01.10.25
How to Finally Stop Being a Workaholic (Without Losing Your Identity)
Because answering work emails at all hours of the day (and night) is not a personality trait.
When you think of a workaholic you probably picture someone tethered to their phone or staring at their computer screen into the wee hours of the night. But the term workaholic has been around long before the internet and smartphones. American psychologist and pastor Wayne Edward Oates first coined it in the late 1960s, defining workaholism as an uncontrollable need to work. He believed working can become an addiction, sorta like alcoholism, hence the name.
Despite the negative connotation, it’s easy to see how being a workaholic is often celebrated via a “hustle culture,” which glorifies productivity. That can make those always-logged-on habits hard to shake. Overdoing it at work might even give you a self-esteem boost.
So how can you tell if you’re a workaholic or if you just have a solid work ethic? We spoke to mental health pros to break it down and share realistic tips for achieving more work-life balance.
What is a workaholic?
A workaholic isn’t a clinical term or an actual diagnosis you’ll find in the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM-5-TR), but the urge to work excessively is a very real phenomenon that psychologists have studied for decades.
A workaholic could be someone with a high-pressure, high-powered job who works until 3 a.m., but it isn’t just about long hours or titles. Someone with workaholism struggles to detach from their job mentally and be fully present in their life no matter their schedule or role, says psychologist Rachel Goldman, PhD, a clinical assistant professor of psychiatry at New York University Grossman School of Medicine, who specializes in stress reduction and burnout.
“It’s this feeling of needing to be on and working all the time,” she explains. For example, maybe you’re out to dinner on a Saturday night with your friends… but you’ve tuned out half the conversation because all you can think about is the email you need to reply to.
You might even feel frustrated or pissed off if you’re in a situation where you can’t work, says licensed psychologist and career coach Lauren Appio, PhD. “I see a lot of disrupted sleep and people who are very irritable or very anxious or very depressed,” Dr. Appio says.
Here’s the thing: There are times when work becomes a primary focus and takes up more space in our lives—and that isn’t always such a terrible or unhealthy thing, Dr. Appio says. “Some people are very passionate about the work that they do, or they have a short-term goal that they're working really hard to accomplish, whether it's a promotion or a project.”
What sets workaholism apart from just being really locked is the negative impact on other areas of your life, like your health and relationships. Dr. Goldman suggests asking yourself: Am I canceling plans? Am I isolating myself? Am I not social anymore? Am I forgetting to eat or drink?
You might also be in problematic territory if other responsibilities, including self-care, are falling through the cracks. Oh and if you feel too much anxiety or guilt to use your PTO or take a sick day when you’re actually sick? That’s a big red flag too.
Workaholism can definitely be a byproduct of your industry or company culture, but there are often internal factors at play too. For example, people with perfectionist tendencies who feel like they always have to go above and beyond and be the best could be prone to workaholism, Dr. Goldman says. That’s especially true if you believe your self-worth is tied to your productivity, she adds.
People-pleasers are more susceptible to work addiction too, Dr. Appio says. Obviously, no one wants to upset their boss or let people down, but blowing through your boundaries or overworking to keep people happy can slip into workaholism, she explains.
Workaholism can also start as a temporary coping mechanism, says Dr. Appio. That can definitely be helpful when you need a distraction from, say, a breakup. However, if getting wrapped up in work becomes a long-term pattern to avoid your feelings, that’s not so useful.
How to stop being a workaholic.
Don’t freak out, but being a workaholic is actually probably making you worse at your job. That’s because people work best when they’re well-rested and they're happy in their lives, Dr. Appio says. You can’t think critically when you’re in survival mode, she adds.
Still, if you’re used to overworking, it can feel scary to take your foot off the gas—even just a little. Who are you if you’re not the one in the office past 8 p.m. every night? That said, you can totally do less without losing your edge or identity. Here’s how.
1. Start with small limits.
If you’re a perfectionist or a people pleaser, it can be hard to set personal boundaries, like ignoring DMs and emails after hours. If that’s you, taking baby steps can help rewire your brain to be OK with saying no, says Dr. Appio. “Start with implementing one new limit and see what happens,” she explains. This will help you gather new data on how people respond when you put yourself first. That’s really helpful if you’ve been caught up worrying that you’re going to lose your job or reputation if you’re not giving 110 percent.
Notice how your boss or coworkers react (or don’t). Do they explode and tell you that you’re the worst? Probably not! Most likely, you’ll see that your fears were overblown, Dr. Goldman says.
2. Try a self-soothing activity.
Even once you set a limit, like not checking your email on PTO, it can be really hard to follow through. “You’re gonna feel that urge to work build up, and it can be really unbearable for people, Dr. Appio says.
That’s where self-soothing practices come in. These sensory activities serve as gentle distractions that calm your body down until the urge goes away, Dr. Appio explains. You could try a mindfulness exercise, take a bath, or listen to music.
Over time, you might notice that nothing bad actually happens when you spend less time working. And if something goes wrong, you’ll find that you’re capable of managing the feelings that come with it, says Dr. Appio.
3. Find allies.
Breaking a work addiction requires a lot of focus and intention—especially if it’s always been your thing. But having people in your corner can help hold you accountable to your boundaries, remind you to take breaks, or just give you an excuse to take a lunch for once, says Dr. Appio. “Whether it's friends, a therapist, or people at work, it helps to have allies who can support you.”
Enlist a coworker for a regular coffee walk at the same time every week (or every day, if you dare!) Put time on your cal to text a close friend to check-in. Plan a meetup after the workday with someone who won’t ask about your job.
4. Catch and redirect your thoughts.
In those moments when you just can’t seem to turn your work brain off, Dr. Goldman suggests noticing the negative thoughts and interrupting them with a mindfulness exercise. This can help you get back to the present moment without judging your mental spiral.
Let’s say you’re taking a hot shower at the end of the day, but you can’t stop thinking about tomorrow’s team meeting or the pitch you’re working on. First, acknowledge that you’re having lots of work-related thoughts. You could even say, “I’m worried about my meeting tomorrow.” Then, turn your attention to what’s going on around you. You can sense how the water feels on your skin, notice how your soap smells, or listen to the water hitting the ground.
5. Prioritize the things that bring you joy outside of work.
If you’re a perfectionist, it can be hard to end the day without sending one more email, reviewing that presentation one more time, or making one last call. But, if you have other interests that need your attention, like a volunteering gig, relationships, or just a new love of baking, that can help you shut it down when things are good enough, Dr. Goldman says.
So, it’s time to find a hobby or start prioritizing stuff in your life that could use more love. Want to join that run club or book club? Get after it! Suddenly very interested in the Roman Empire? Take an online course. Feel out of touch with your friend group? Schedule a recurring hang!
6. Work on that harsh inner dialogue.
Even on their best day, it’s easy for workaholics to beat themselves up about the little things that go wrong during the workday. You said the wrong thing in a meeting, you didn’t accomplish as much today as you wanted to, that comment from your boss means they maybe hate you. Ugh.
When you’re burned out, that dialogue can get even more rude, Dr. Appio says. That’s not good for your mental health either.
Whether you’re having the worst or best day, keep an ear out for negative self-talk. When you notice that jerk in your brain chiming in with unhelpful insights or critiques, kindly rebut them the way you would a friend, Dr Appio suggests. Maybe no one noticed your miss
Wondermind does not provide medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Any information published on this website or by this brand is not intended as a replacement for medical advice. Always consult a qualified health or mental health professional with any questions or concerns about your mental health.
