Pro Tips Link Copied 02.23.24

33 Very Good Reminders for When You’re Feeling Lonely

If you’ve been impacted by the “loneliness epidemic,” welcome. ByOludara Adeeyo, LCSW

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There are so many reasons why you might feel lonely. Maybe you’re physically alone a lot or just geographically distant from your friends and family. But those aren’t the only things that trigger loneliness. Getting the sense that you can’t express yourself or that you’re misunderstood can make you feel lonely, as can the fear of missing out. 

Of course, that’s not an exhaustive list, but the point is that loneliness can happen to anyone at any time. And when it does, you can feel sad and disappointed with your reality, anxious, like a reluctant loner, and even envious of people who have tight connections. 

As a therapist who primarily works with adults experiencing depression and anxiety, I’ve seen this play out plenty of times. I mean, loneliness is so common that, in 2023, the U.S. Department of Health and Human Services declared that we’re in an “epidemic of loneliness.” Joy. 

Dealing with loneliness can be tricky. 

When you’re feeling lonely, it can be tempting to sink deeper into it. Solitude typically calls for dimming the lights and queuing up your favorite tearjerker (hi again, This Is Us) or playlist (a little Lana Del Rey and Frank Ocean for good measure). It can feel cathartic to radically accept our lonely fate. It can also feel like the easiest option, especially compared to reaching out for help or saying what’s on your mind. In the end, though, becoming too familiar with loneliness can lead to isolation, negative self-talk, depression, low self-esteem, and feeling kinda empty and stuck. 

On the flip side, you might be the type to push away uncomfortable feelings, like loneliness, and pretend they don’t exist. That might look like constantly distracting yourself with endless screen time or surrounding yourself with people who aren’t good for you (maybe you don’t even like them) just so you can have company. But avoiding or ignoring loneliness means you’re not feeling your feelings and investigating what might help pull you out of this mindset. Say, calling your best friend once a week or joining a rec league if you hate going home to a quiet apartment after work?

So, what can you do?

There is a balance to be had here. To deal with loneliness in a healthy way, try to acknowledge it without internalizing it or getting bogged down by all the sad emotions. When thoughts like, Why does everyone hate me? or I’ll never find people who understand me, so why try? come up, take time to confront these feelings, give yourself a healthy dose of self-compassion, and create a plan of action and connection. 

And, no, combating loneliness doesn’t always have to involve throwing yourself into a pickleball league or texting a bunch of friends until someone responds. One way to not feel as lonely on your own is by giving yourself a pep talk and countering your negative self-talk with more compassionate affirmations. These brief encouraging statements have helped me and my clients pull ourselves out of many a funk. They can remind us that it’s possible to feel more positive (or even neutral) emotions and empower us to make healthy changes to feel better. 

If it feels awkward and forced to look in the mirror and tell yourself you're awesome and worthy and fun to be around, maybe you just haven't found the right mantra to validate and navigate your lonely feels. Don't worry, I've got plenty. Here’s a virtual hug and some reminders that you can read, set as your screensaver, or say aloud to help you emerge from your solitude and maybe even learn from it. 

1. It’s OK if feeling lonely makes you sad. These feelings are valid, but they’re also temporary. 
2. Sometimes feeling isolated is an opportunity to reflect on the types of connections you truly crave.
3. You are not alone in feeling lonely.
4. You haven’t met all the people who are going to love and support you yet. And that’s a beautiful thing. 
5. If going out and ~finding community~ is the last thing you want to do right now, that's totally fair. Give yourself grace and patience. 
6. You are unique and deserve to be surrounded by others who recognize and celebrate that.
7. Someone out there is waiting to find a friend like you. 
8. You are allowed to reach out for professional support—even when you’re “just” feeling lonely.
9. It’s OK to miss people…
10. …and it’s OK to tell people you miss them. 
11. Let go of the unhelpful and untrue idea that nobody cares about you.
12. Sometimes our loneliness can be what drives us toward deep and meaningful connections.  
13. You can always treat yourself with the same love and affection you desire from another person.
14. Your presence is missed when you are not around. 
15. Sometimes, you might be misunderstood, but the right people will always get you.
16. Platonic relationships can also have depth and emotional intimacy.  
17. Embracing time alone allows you to learn and grow as a person.
18. You are not a burden for wanting people in your life to show up for you in the best way that they can. Ask for their help. 
19. It’s better to be single than in a relationship that’s not aligned with your true self and values. 
20. If your current circle isn’t serving you, you’re allowed to seek out new connections. 
21. Your value isn’t determined by your relationship status.
22. Being your own best friend is a true talent, and there's no better time to practice than right now.
23. It’s OK to be hurt when people disappoint you—even when you know that it has nothing to do with you.  
24. Prioritize the friendships that make you feel good. 
25. Be thankful for the people in your life who allow you to be unapologetically you.
26. Loneliness won’t last forever, and you will get through this. 
27. Craving connection is natural—not needy. 
28. Feeling lonely shouldn't mean accepting less than you normally would or compromising your values. 
29. Connections don't need to be deep and long-lasting to be meaningful. Don’t discount the power of casual acquaintances.
30. It can be empowering to choose solitude instead of socializing with people that make you feel bad.  
31. Not everyone is meant to be in your life forever. 
32. Time spent learning more about yourself and what excites you is never wasted time. 
33. You've made it through lonely spells before, and you sure as hell can do it again.