01.31.25
8 Social Skills That Might Just Change Your Life
Did you just become the most popular person in the room?
It’s not in your head: Being a person around other people has become harder over the past few years. Post-pandemic, many say their social anxiety has skyrocketed or their social skills seem kind of rusty, says clinical psychologist Jenny Wang, PhD.
Pandemics, remote work, and chronically canceled plans aside, putting ourselves out there at a party or even one-on-one can feel awkward and extra vulnerable when we’re not used to it. And, chances are, we’re not.
The convenience of communicating over text or social media can easily get in the way of IRL connection. But slacking with our coworkers, sending our friends memes, or group chatting through playoff games and award-season red carpets isn't the same as in-person interactions. Sure, it scratches the connection itch, but you’re not practicing the social skills necessary to hold a conversation, make someone feel included, or develop a relationship, says psychiatrist Jessi Gold, MD, chief wellness officer of the University of Tennessee System, and author of How Do You Feel?
So, if you’re feeling rusty, remember that you’re probably not the only one who feels this way. And, more importantly, you’re not doomed—you can pick up these social skills even without a packed social calendar.
Here, mental health pros share the hacks that’ll help you become more approachable, engaging, and confident in any social situation. With these tips and a little practice, you’ll build stronger connections and deeper friendships—and maybe even become the most popular person in any room.
1. Focus on who’s talking.
It can feel super vulnerable to put yourself out there, especially if you’re someone who fears judgment or criticism from others, Dr. Wang says.
One of the reasons we feel so much pressure is because we’re constantly trying to manage people’s impressions of us, explains Dr. Wang. We think we need to respond perfectly in any scenario. “You’re like a squirrel in your mind, thinking, OK, well, I could say this and then I could say that or I could say this,” she explains. But when you’re so focused on what you say next, there’s no space to connect with other people, she adds.
Take a second to think about the fulfilling interactions you’ve experienced before. You likely remember feeling heard, not their perfect response to you, explains Dr. Wang.
So, instead of going into a conversation like a ping-pong match, see yourself as a container that can hold all the things the other person shares with you, she explains. You’re listening to hear, not listening to answer back.
That’s what the pros call active listening, which means focusing on what the other person is saying and communicating that you hear and understand them. That could mean making eye contact, nodding, or dropping an, “Uh huh,” when it makes sense, says Dr. Gold.
When they’re done, you can recap what they said back to them or ask a follow-up question (when in doubt, you can always go with something like: “That’s so interesting/cool/scary/exciting/etc.” followed by a question asking for more details, like: “What got you into that?”). Those are great ways to show they have your attention, says Dr. Wang.
2. Dig deeper.
When you meet someone new, it’s easy to fall into the same old, “What do you do, where are you from?” line of questioning. Those are cool and fine, but pushing things a bit further (within reason) is a social skill that can help you build stronger relationships—especially fresh ones.
“You might not land on anything juicy, exciting, or profound, but there’s always something to learn from another person,” Dr. Wang says.
You might try:
- What are your intentions for this year (or season or month)?
- What’s something you’re excited about?
- What helped you get out of bed this morning?
- What’s something you couldn’t go a week without doing?
- Who does your social media algorithm think you are?
It’s always a risk to stray from the norm of small talk, but the reward can be massive. Remember, if someone isn’t down to go deep, that’s OK too! You’re not weird or awkward for going deep, you’re just willing to be curious. (If you’re looking for more questions to add to your back pocket, here are a bunch of not-boring conversation starters.)
3. Slow down to open up.
While curiosity and active listening are important for making other people feel heard, your perspective is worthy of sharing too, says Dr. Gold. Plus, it’s a necessary social skill for cultivating connection. “It’s very hard to feel connected to a person who asks a lot of questions but shares nothing about themselves,” she adds.
That said, anxiety in social situations can make it hard to process what the other person says as well as your own thoughts, says Dr. Wang. If you can relate, slowing things down can help.
In those moments, take a deep breath to slow your heart rate and the pace of the conversation. You can take a beat by saying something like, “Let me think on that for a sec,” or, “Can you say more about what you mean?” That can buy you some time to process and gather your thoughts, says Dr. Wang.
4. Prioritize warmth.
You know when you meet someone new and immediately want to become their best friend or become…them? Those people usually have a quality called warmth. They smile, they give a kind glance, they use a comforting tone, they say your name. All of that good stuff makes a person kind of irresistible—in a platonic way.
When you make people feel seen and comfortable, it draws them toward you, says Dr. Wang. Those who communicate really well often exude a high level of warmth, she adds.
Even if it doesn’t feel natural to smile at Greg from accounting, use his name, and ask about his kids, you can develop this kind of warmth over time.
As you get started, think about how fast you’re speaking, the tone of your voice, and your body language. By slowing down a tad, being slightly more expressive, and orienting your body toward the person you’re speaking to, you’re signaling that you’re interested and open to hearing about them. That's a winning combo for making connections.
5. Challenge yourself to meet one new person at every event.
Yes, it’s tempting to scour the room for someone you know, scroll through your phone until your friend gets there, or befriend the host’s pet. But sticking with these strategies can block potential connections before they come to you. Plus, you’re missing out on the opportunity to strengthen the social skill of putting yourself out there. “Striking up a conversation with just one new person can open the door to more interactions, making it easier for you to approach others,” Dr. Gold says.
Instead of hoping someone approaches you or burying yourself in your phone, set a goal to approach a stranger at every event, says Dr. Wang.
If you’re at a holiday party where you know basically no one, the options are endless! Choose someone who looks like they’re having fun. If you’re out with friends and know everyone there, make small talk with the bartender or hostess. If you’re at a work event, talk to someone you normally exchange surface-level pleasantries with (it still counts).
Developing your meeting-people skills makes socializing in unfamiliar spaces way less scary. And you’ll probably learn that most people want to get to know you and share their experiences with you. It’s a bit like exposure therapy, says Dr. Wang. The first step is hard, but it gets easier every time.
6. Match their energy.
Another expert-level social skill is adapting your vibes to meet someone where they’re at. If you normally speak quickly, ask rapid-fire questions, and give a little nudge every once in a while, that can make less outgoing people uneasy.
That’s where mirroring comes in, says Dr. Wang. If you notice that your voice or body language is really off from the person you’re speaking to, especially if they seem uncomfortable, try to meet them halfway. Mirroring someone’s speech, posture, or physical distance can help them feel more at ease, which fosters a stronger connection, she adds.
The key is to look for subtle cues. “People will give you signs when your intensity level doesn’t match theirs, such as backing up, looking away nervously, or trying to disengage,” she says. When that happens, try to adjust accordingly.
7. Open up your circle.
Maybe you know this, but group events can be extremely intimidating. “When we're in social settings, we’re making a bid toward other people. We're saying, Are you willing to talk to me? Are you willing to engage? Are you willing to have a little bit of a longer conversation?” says Dr. Wang. It’s a very vulnerable act.
That’s why we all need the person at the party who notices those on the outskirts and brings them into the chat. When you’re ready, this person can be you.
The next time you’re at an after-work happy hour, a housewarming, or a random birthday party, keep an eye out for stragglers. If someone is hanging out on the edge of your group, turn to them, introduce yourself, and invite them in. You can say, “This person was just saying this.” Once they’re caught up, ask them what they think about the topic or change the subject to them.
“That small gesture of opening up your body and making space for someone can make a huge difference in helping people feel included,” Dr. Wang says. Go you!
8. Use honesty to ease awkwardness.
Like people, our interactions are never perfect. We misuse a word, misunderstand, or say something we regret. In those face-in-palm moments, the best way to course correct is saying the quiet part out loud.
If you’re nervous, you can try, “I'm sorry, I get really nervous when I meet new people.” If you call someone the wrong name, say, “Oh my gosh, that is not your name, I’m so sorry. Can you remind me?”
Dr. Wang says this skill is one of the most disarming, vulnerable, and endearing ways to respond to awkwardness. People are not perfect or flawless, she explains. And when we stop pretending we are, others appreciate it. Admitting our flaws is a quality that generates connection, she adds.
Wondermind does not provide medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Any information published on this website or by this brand is not intended as a replacement for medical advice. Always consult a qualified health or mental health professional with any questions or concerns about your mental health.
