Q&A Link Copied 02.28.25

Selma Blair Thought It Might Be Depression—Not MS

“If you’re exhausted enough, it all feels depressing.” ByCasey Gueren

Photo Credit: Amy Harrity

For many of us, it might seem like Selma Blair’s journey with multiple sclerosis (MS) started in 2018, when she shared news of her diagnosis on Instagram. In reality, it started decades before that. Even before she was a teenager, Blair was going to specialists and searching for answers. By the time she was regularly gracing our screens in cult classics like Cruel Intentions, Legally Blonde, and The Sweetest Thing, Blair had been battling symptoms on and off for years. 

After giving birth to her son in 2011, Blair’s search for the cause of her debilitating fatigue continued. “No one knew. I just needed an MRI to give some clarity,” Blair tells Wondermind. “I do urge that to people now: Ask for what you deserve. If that is available and that is something that can be a diagnostic tool for longtime neurological issues, then by all means speak up for yourself.” 

In the years since her diagnosis, Blair has become a powerful advocate for disability rights, chronic illness awareness, and taking care of yourself. But when it comes to extending that same grace and compassion to herself—well, she tells us that’s still a work in progress. 

Here, we spoke with Blair about being dismissed by doctors, how motherhood changed everything for her, and the power of community.   

Wondermind: How are you feeling today, really? 

Selma Blair: I'm doing really well today. It's rainy, which is of course wonderful after such parched lands, and also terrifying for all the people that will have mudslides. That's an ongoing theme in life: the good with the bad. But I'm doing really well. I've already done school drop off, had a business meeting, got in the bath, so now I'm doing really well. I’m finally focused—after a bath and 10 hours awake. It takes a while.

WM: Sometimes your mind and body need that momentum. That’s what we wanted to talk to you about today: how your physical health impacts your mental health—and vice versa. 

SB: This is totally my wheelhouse as I am someone that is chronically fatigued. I'm doing really well, but I think for anyone who’s had chronic illness or setbacks in life or anything, you are saddled with something. Mine is mostly fatigue and it's been that way my whole life. 

Think of a baby when you put them down because they need a nap. Everyone's like, “Ooh, cranky, tired.” And that's how I feel now as a grownup. I wish someone would just put me down for naptime. They're essential, I get them in as much as I can. But that is something I'm always kind of battling: how to get past that feeling of wanting to get back in bed so that you can be as productive as you can be and take care of your health. So it is all about those little things for me—having a ritual and telling myself I matter. 

I was always tired, that was a huge part of all my symptoms growing up. For anyone with MS or a chronic health issue or autoimmune condition, there's usually a big sacrifice—other than the ones that seem obvious. And for me it was fatigue. So I was always on a healing journey before diagnosis. Always cleanses, exercise, getting really fit. And now I have to just build my stamina. 

As much as I advocate for taking care of yourself—and there are times when you really need the time off, you have to find a support system, and you have to do it to get better—you got to keep going. So I fit it in. I make sure I wake up early. I make sure that I go through all those things before the kid sees me. Because that was a really hard part of being a mom: not letting them see you sweat so much so they felt safe. And you're freaking out in life! That was a part I really had to learn to adapt to, especially with not feeling well. 

But diagnosis really helped for my own knowledge that it was real. Some validity so that I could get my footing.

WM: You lived with symptoms for so long before getting that diagnosis. Did you feel dismissed by doctors during that time? 

SB: Yes, I was dismissed by so many doctors. And this wasn't just a grownup or she-became-an-actress thing, like, It’s hard to read, they're so dramatic. This was since I was little. And I have no idea if it really is a girl thing, although I know that is a statistic that seems to be true—that maybe you're not taken as seriously or maybe most of the men are doctors (at that time especially) so there wasn't a real understanding of the dynamics that a woman can go through, and that not everything goes under menstruation or depression or emotional things. So I was definitely swimming upstream there against the currents. 

I did see the best doctors and I did visit universities even as a 12-year-old, because it was already flaring up. The MS was already in me then and active, but then it would remit. I have Relapsing-Remitting MS, so it would remit and I'm basically a healthy person. So then you're confused. But the fatigue was constant. By college, it was hard to stay awake. Even during field hockey practices, I'd try to run and every day the coach was like, “Do you not eat? Why do you have no energy? What's happening?” And I'm like, “I don't know. What's happening with these people? How do they do it?” I just could not get it.

That was actually the thing that really took me out of work. After coming back from Hellboy II, I was on top of the world, and then during Kath & Kim, I got very sick with MS and I lost my hair and my autoimmune was crazy. And I was keeping it in, and that stress was huge.

When I got pregnant, I went into remission and I was like, Oh my God, my child's hormones are making me feel great. That's what I needed the whole time. Maybe I won't be depressed anymore. I really just believed that I was solely, hugely depressed. I was medicated as a child. I was self-medicating with drinking. And so I had kind of lost touch with what my reality really was. And then when I felt great in pregnancy, and of course not drinking or anything, I felt incredible. So I didn't know what it was. I had no idea that MS can go away when you're pregnant. And I didn't know I had MS. 

When I gave birth, I was like a month past my due date, so it was forced and it was painful and it was 37 hours of induced labor. Needless to say, I was exhausted. And MS hit as soon as I gave birth, and then it was just dismissed over and over as, “You're an exhausted single mom. That’s what the pain is. All women have loosening of their ligaments and then it stretches back. So of course you're stiff and tight.” But it was brutal. And I'm trying every healing modality. 

It was ultimately falling asleep in the doctor's office that made the diagnosis actually finally happen. I literally just fell asleep and [the doctor] is like, “Wait, that's weird.” And he got me up and was like, “Does she always do that?” And my boyfriend at the time was like, “Yeah, she thinks maybe it's the depression meds. She's really been struggling with this for years nonstop.” 

It was amazing to be seen for the first time. Because I didn't know the language. I didn't know this isn't normal. Extreme fatigue is not normal. Fatigue you cannot get out of is not normal.  

But it did make me distrust myself, especially when you hear it enough and from doctors you really like and that really do want to help you. No one was just saying, “Oh, you're totally insane. Go swim in a lake.” It was, “You're obviously under a lot of distress. You're depressed. You're crying all the time and waking up laughing because you’re just under so much pressure.” It was such a relief to be diagnosed, and then you start the journey all over again of what will be your path. 

WM: And there’s so much stigma at play in those conversations too.  

SB: It was already bad enough that it was like, “Oh my God, you're an emotional rollercoaster of a person. You're so sad.” You just really do believe it and you feel guilty. I felt shame, like I can't get past this for this life? I have a child I want to be a mother for. I want to learn to partner with his dad better. I want to get in shape. I need to work. I mean, it's all very overwhelming—and very relatable, I think.

WM: Absolutely. When you think back to that time, how was your physical health affecting how you showed up in your work or family life? 

SB: For so many years I retreated, because by evening I would feel so awful. In the younger years when I could go out and maybe have a few cocktails—and then go home and sadly probably binge—there was maybe a forced energy I could have. You get a little alcohol, there’s a little sugar, you know, there's things you can do to kind of numb the discomfort, physically at least. And it really did numb my discomfort, so I got by better. But then when that was obviously not going to work as something that could fit in my life productively or emotionally in any positive way, then you’re like…I don’t know how to do it. 

So nighttime would come around and it was just brutal. And people get angry. When you bow out enough, you're a flake. So then your world gets smaller and smaller. It’s very common to then feel isolated because you just don't feel good enough. But yet you don't have any validity and it's not obvious, it's more an inner thing. So it can be really tricky emotionally to not feel lazy.  

It can be lonely and it takes time, but I keep just taking care of myself. And my relationship with my son is ever growing. So thank goodness that I have such a substantial relationship that I value so highly to keep my wish for success and health and emotions in check.

WM: It sounds like that relationship is one of the things that shifted your perspective on your health. 

SB: Yeah, and hearing other people’s stories. Hearing my own son's experience and how it’s very different from mine as a child. You see, wow, there's all types! He might've come from me, but he's not depressed at all. And I don't know if I was ever depressed or if it was exhaustion. I really don't know. Sometimes they feel one and the same. If you're exhausted enough, it all feels depressing. 

There's a new thing I'm doing with Express4MS, and that’s why I love that campaign. People can go on and hear from each other and talk and vent and tell your story safely. 

WM: That must be so validating, and also a good reminder that your diagnosis doesn’t define you. 

SB: It’s a part of you. And it may be a huge part of you to have a diagnosis. And you do have to live your life around some things—at least for a while, or maybe always, depends what your situation is. But it still is never going to be all of you. It is a part of you and there's so much more to us. 

And that applies for big diagnoses and people of all sorts, of course. But it's a very important rule to live by. There's so much more to people than one big diagnosis or one point of view or one anything.

WM: You’re such a powerful advocate in this space. What are some things you’re still learning about taking care of yourself? 

SB: I was so reluctant to think I actually had something really wrong with me. And thank God it wasn't a bigger thing wrong with me. I'm still here and I found options, so I do feel a real personal obligation to keep saying: Don't give up. 

But even as much of an advocate as I am, I had no idea it was going to keep changing. Even though I was the biggest advocate for MRIs, [at one point] I didn't go get MRIs. I was in denial. Then finally I was encouraged—you're still not right. It even happens to the advocates! 

WM: What part of your mental health still feels like a work in progress? 

SB: Changing the language in my head. I'm 52, but I've had a good 48 years probably of a lot of shit-talking to myself. And that takes time to undo. I mean, I really wish it could be overnight, and in huge ways my own attitude adjustments were overnight, but I still don't know the vocabulary of someone that knows how to be patient and knows that they matter, so that you can take care of your tribe. So that you can have a tribe that's worth having. 

Because if you're not treating yourself with respect, it's not going to extend. I give that courtesy to my friends and people in my life to always change and get better. And I am learning to do it for myself in all ways, but it's always a work in progress.  

WM: How did motherhood change your relationship with your health and your mind? 

SB: Motherhood? It was wild. Being a mom and not yet diagnosed and feeling horrible for his first five or six years is still something I’m recovering from emotionally, because I still have that guilt of just feeling miserable. But I did have the wherewithal in those moments to be grateful. 

It is very life-changing to give yourself grace. Those glacial years with my son, when my eyes were burning out of my head and I was praying for nap time and wondering, What am I going to do? I think I did recognize, Thank you God for a healthy child. Thank you God for giving me this healthy child to want to live for, because I feel like I want to die. 

And when I was home from work and feeling the fear and sadness of not being able to work and earn money, I was like, Oh my God, what a blessing I'm home with my child. I can remember these years and I can realize I spent every waking second doing the best I could. 

WM: What an amazing mindset shift. 

SB: Mindset is everything. I've always been someone that's had to fall a little deep to bounce off the bottom. And that's how it is with your emotional and health journey sometimes. But you hope you don't go too far to the bottom, and that there's going to be someone—you know, the hand of God—that reaches down. I have been very lucky that I've stayed the course and I have had those saviors as well. 

Also, the kindness of strangers—people on Instagram. I feel a real connection with people and a real need to give back because they kind of saved my life—this core team of strangers from Instagram that I'm actually friends with now saved my life when I was first having real challenges many years ago. 

I had a small but loyal fan base who was there when I came up against a wall and had public humiliation years ago with an instance that forced me to get sober again. The shame of that is intense and thank God there wasn't a horrible thing that came out of it. 

But I also want to tell people—because I know people get in desperate situations out there and I can relate—I don't want them to give up. Just because you make a choice does not mean you have to make a next set of horrible choices to ruin your life, or your child or the people that care about you. You can get to the other side. And if you break down again, you can still get to the other side. You have to keep trying to get to the other side of the road that's safer and better for everyone. 

That was huge that people supported me in that time, because I didn't want to give myself grace. The support that I had from people on IG that could relate or could understand or had a relative that had been in that situation, that got me through. Because you think the whole world hates you if you hear 10 loud voices. And that can really get to a sensitive person. And it's such a cause of suicide in people, this bullying that can happen if you make a mistake. I credit the human compassion that six young people and two people my age gave to me and are still my core fans and friends off of IG now. It really was a huge gift.

WM: Looking back on those harder times in your life, is there anything you wish you could go back and say to your younger self? 

SB: There always is. There have even been healers in the past that have said, “You have to make a shrine to yourself.” Ew, gross. And then I did. I put a childhood picture and a grownup picture and just some pretty simple things. It’s just a little meditation bench. And when I really had trouble with forgiving myself or for wanting more for myself, I had to look at that little girl that was terrified and didn't feel well but was also a really loving person with a great imagination and stories in her, and I have to give some respect. You know, better late than never. 

So that was a good idea for me. I'm not someone that does do a lot of shrines, but I do have a little meditation shrine. And I don't always have a picture of myself on it, but there were a good five years where little baby Selma was up there, and I was like, Let me know you! I’m sorry! I’ve got to forgive that. It's OK. I'm with you now. And it's so cheesy to some people, but it also can be really effective.

WM: Definitely. That’s a tip we’ve heard from therapists about countering negative self-talk too. 

SB: Yeah, because the negative self-talk is hard to go away unless you forgive. You might not legitimately have something to forgive. It could be something you built up, but you still have to forgive. And that's one of the best things I've ever gotten from spiritual teachings that I dabbled in. I had to take literal night courses on forgiveness. It's vulnerable and you have to get in front of people and forgive all these angry feelings, and that's a work in progress. 

WM: What advice would you give someone who is struggling with their physical and mental health or facing a new health diagnosis? 

SB: The honest and simple advice—even though it sounds vague, but it kind of covers everything—is: This too shall pass. I mean, everything does. Even the most excruciating moments, they will pass, just like the most incredible ones will. So enjoy it, seize the day. 

Also, you’ve got to have grit. I had to find someone I loved more than I hated myself, and that was my son. And he came just in time, because right when he came, the shit hit the fan with the way I felt emotionally and physically, and thank God he was there. Thank God my dog—my beloved soul dog—died when I was pregnant, or else I would've drank myself to death. You've got to look at those as huge signposts. Don't stop reading the signposts. 

Each day, pick one good thing to do for someone else and one thing that makes you feel good. Do that. Really simple. No matter how small it is, whether it's lighting a candle and just saying, “Ahh, breathe in, you deserve it.” It could be that small. Or just saying, “No, this too shall pass,” if you have energy for nothing else.

WM: Right, because everything is temporary. 

SB: Even life! And that's the curse and the blessing of all of this. But that is something we are all in together, that I can say for sure. The one thing we all share is that we're all living and we're all dying. And that somehow puts things in balance sometimes and causes me to have a little more patience when I lose it.

This interview has been edited and condensed for length and clarity.