Self-worth means thinking of yourself as “a valuable, capable human being deserving of respect and consideration,” according to the American Psychological Association. In other words, it’s believing you’re good enough to be loved, seen, and heard, explains therapist Allison Guilbault, LPC. Even though we’re all born with something to offer the world, self-worth is about knowing we have value, says Guilbault. Self-worth is being able to walk into a room and feel like you’re enough, she adds.
Unfortunately, not everyone feels like that—and maybe you struggle too. When you have low self-worth, you might think, “I'm not interesting enough to have a conversation. I'm not pretty enough to be at this bar. I'm not successful enough to be at this table. There's so much ‘not enough-ness,’” Guilbault explains.
A lot of things can shape that mindset, but your early childhood experiences are a major factor. Caregivers, siblings, and peers can all shape how we see our worthiness in the world, says psychologist Jenny Wang, PhD, a member of the Wondermind Advisory Committee. That’s because, during the years we’re still learning so much about ourselves, we’re more likely to believe those who make us feel like we’re not good enough, explains therapist Averry Cox, LMFT, LCMFT. Sometimes, we internalize those messages and they become part of how we see ourselves, notes Dr. Wang.
Experiencing trauma can also impact your self-worth if you blame yourself for it happening and believe you're "inherently unworthy or flawed," says Dr. Wang.
Mental health conditions can play a part too, says Dr. Wang. To be clear, a mental health condition doesn’t always lead to lower self-worth. But if you feel ashamed or judged for having a diagnosis, you might feel like you’re not a valuable asset to society or even your friend group. It’s also possible for a condition to impact how you see yourself. With depression, for example, you might feel generally worthless, per the American Psychiatric Association. If you have anxiety, you might find yourself overanalyzing what people think of you or doubting yourself, says Guilbault.
Whatever the origin of your plummeting self-worth, not feeling valuable as a human being can lead to I-hate-myself vibes, low self-esteem, negative self-talk, shame, and isolation, says Cox. And that objectively sucks.
If you’re feeling this way though, all hope is not lost. There are lots of ways you can boost your self-worth and start seeing your value in a new light. Here, we asked mental health pros exactly how to do that. Behold!
1. Shift your focus.
When it feels like your life is going to hell, it’s often due to changes in the external things you identify with, like your job, how you look, your relationships, etc. Placing more stock in those parts of life makes it harder to see ourselves positively when things go wrong, says Guilbault.
So, when you’re feeling particularly terrible, shift your focus to your values, or the things you think are most important in life, Guilbault suggests. These could be broad concepts, like honesty and authenticity, or more specific, like friendship and financial security. While values might involve other people, places, or things (see: friends, jobs, partners), they don’t become less important when those external factors go away.
Unlike your friends, employers, or partner, your values come from within and only change if you want them to. That makes them particularly helpful in building self-worth amid the chaos of life, says Guilbault.
Now, if you don’t know what your values are, that’s OK! Just ask yourself: How do I want people to describe me in a room I’m not in? Loyal? Kind? Smart? The answers usually show you what you value, says Guilbault.
Once you’ve identified them, spend some time journaling about how you embody those values and what else you can do to get aligned with the things that are important to you.
2. Be nicer to yourself.
The more you repeat something in your head the more you believe it, says Guilbault. That’s why a consistently mean or judgy internal dialogue can keep you feeling unworthy. If you practice saying nice things instead, that’ll help you drown out the negative thoughts and start to believe in yourself.
There are two things that you can try. One is naming or writing down things that you like about yourself, suggests Guilbault. It might sound cheesy, but that can remind people of their strengths and uniqueness (which they might forget about if they’re feeling worthless), she says.
Another is practicing daily affirmations, Guilbault suggests. You can recite things like, I’m doing the best I can, I have value, I am not unworthy of people’s time and attention. You might notice that these aren’t overly cheery, and that’s because the best kinds of affirmations are ones you believe. So, if you’re down bad, start reciting some neutral and realistic affirmations before bed or as you make your morning coffee. Even, I’m not a piece of garbage, works, Guilbault notes. Over time, you can work up to more optimistic ones.
3. Check who you’re surrounding yourself with.
Even as an adult, being around people who don’t value you can feed into your sense of worthlessness, says Guilbault. That could look like dismissing things you say or achievements you make, judging or nitpicking you, or not giving you the same time and attention you give them.
So, take inventory of who you spend time with and how they make you feel, suggests Guilbault. If you find that you’re dedicating too much time to people who aren’t giving you good vibes, think about what would make you feel better within those relationships. Maybe it’s seeing them less in general, limiting the one-on-one hangs, or totally cutting ties. It’s not easy, but taking action proves to yourself that you deserve more, says Dr. Wang.
4. Optimize your time alone.
If being by yourself always involves ruminating, feeling left out, or negative self-talk spirals, it’s time for a vibe shift, says Dr. Wang. To ensure that your self-worth is indestructible in the face of Saturday-night solitude, you have to learn to enjoy your own company.
The first step is doing things that make you feel good when you’re by yourself, says Dr. Wang. It could be something relaxing, like watching a movie; productive, like making your lunches for the week; or fun, like reading that spicy book your friends recommended. Whatever it is, you should feel content while you’re doing it. If not, try something else.
5. Turn judgment into action.
People with low self-worth tend to judge themselves: I shouldn’t have missed that appointment. I should own a home by now. I should have more friends. These types of thoughts can keep your self-worth down because they put the spotlight on your perceived setbacks and failures, says Guilbault. And when you have low self-worth, it can be extra easy to hold onto proof that you suck, she says. Then, the shame cycle continues.
But tweaking these ideas to be less judgmental can encourage you to do something about the stuff that’s bothering you, says Guilbault. So, instead of, I should have more friends, maybe it’s, I want more friends (if that’s actually true). Likewise, I shouldn’t have missed that appointment, can become, I’m not going to miss my next appointment. Use that reframe as motivation to take action, which is way more empowering than beating yourself up.
6. Go do a thing.
When you have poor self-worth, it’s hard to believe in yourself. But accomplishing a task can show you that you are a capable human being, Dr. Wang says. Set a tiny goal that you can achieve, she suggests. Learn a word in a different language every day for a week, paint an old dresser, or try pickleball. Your sense of accomplishment or creation—even if it’s small—can be extremely empowering, says Dr. Wang.
7. Consider enlisting a professional.
If you feel like you’re struggling with your self-worth, seeing a therapist can help you unpack why you feel this way and set goals for what you want to do about it, says Cox. While pretty much anyone can benefit from the help of a therapist, when your low self-worth gets in the way of doing life, that’s a good sign you could use an assist.
Wondermind does not provide medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Any information published on this website or by this brand is not intended as a replacement for medical advice. Always consult a qualified health or mental health professional with any questions or concerns about your mental health.
