10.23.24
4 Tips for Becoming Rejection-Proof, From a Life Coach Who Helps People Do This Every Day
Gotta risk it for the biscuit.
My first full-time job was as a receptionist at a Volkswagen dealership, but I had my sights set on the sales team. They had freedom from their desks, and their success was reflected in the money they made. I spent every spare moment shadowing them, helping their clients, and absorbing all the knowledge I could (never mind that I completely neglected my receptionist duties).
So, when I was called to my boss’s office two months after starting, I felt a surge of adrenaline. This is it! I thought. I’m getting promoted! I was sure someone must have noticed my initiative. I excitedly strode up the stairs to the boss's office. Should I negotiate? Will this be an immediate transition? What about getting business cards? Stay gracious, Susie. Shoulders back!
My high vibe was thrown off a cliff the second I sat down. “Susie, there’s no easy way to say this—we’re letting you go. You’re not doing the job we hired you for.” I cried after I left the building. I was too embarrassed to tell my coworkers I’d been fired.
Seeing rejection as redirection
When I called the headhunter who’d placed me in the position, I told the truth: “I don’t think I’m cut out for admin work, not even as a stepping stone.” I was surprised when she agreed. And—get this—she immediately hired me for a sales role at her firm. I was actually rejected into a better job. That moment became a turning point in my adult life. I learned not to label rejection as “bad” so quickly. I had more trust that things often work out.
That sales role helped me land a new gig at a larger recruitment company—and, eventually, I was hired for two more big roles I wasn’t necessarily the most qualified for. Despite the risk of rejection, going after what I wanted continued to pay off.
By the time I was 30, I started reflecting on my goals. I enjoyed and appreciated my job, but I knew it wasn’t my life’s work. I wanted to help people progress, problem-solve, and make big strides forward in their lives. I wanted to be a life coach.
At that point, the life coaching industry was still pretty new. Not everyone knew what a coach was or why you might hire one (“Cool, what sport?” was a question I got more than once). Some of the most successful coaches were well-known authors and seminar leaders who were oceans ahead of me. Rejection felt like a not-impossible fate.
Like any career change I’d made in the past, I knew this one would make me vulnerable to others’ opinions about what I had to offer. Still, I reasoned, the worst-case scenario was ending up back in a sales role. And if that was the worst outcome, I was already living my worst-case life. Rejection was worth the risk.
So I signed up for life coaching classes at New York University. After nearly a decade of coaching, I’ve helped thousands of clients face rejection, rebound, and get after their goals no matter the setback. Here are my tried-and-true tips for rejection-proofing your life.
1. Notice when you’re the one doing the rejecting.
You’ve probably already rejected someone today. Maybe you ignored a text, canceled plans, dismissed someone’s idea, declined an invitation, forgot to invite a friend to a party, zoned out during a conversation, scrolled past a friend's Instagram post, or just avoided eye contact with someone.
For the most part, it’s all pretty harmless. And yet, when we feel rejected, we rarely see it in the same innocuous way. Instead, we spiral, overthinking it for hours.
It’s like the time I was ghosted by a new friend. We were supposed to meet up on a recent trip of mine (I picked the cutest outfit!). But in the days leading up to lunch, she went radio silent. The cells in my body recalled the sting of being snubbed. Then I remembered that her silence probably had nothing to do with me—and I snapped out of it.
Weeks later, I received a heartbreaking WhatsApp apology from her. She’d been going through a miscarriage.
It goes to show how wrong our assumptions can be when someone lets us down. We don’t always know the whole story, so we can’t assume we were ignored or fired or ditched because we’re despicable and everyone hates us. Instead of believing the worst, why not give everyone the benefit of the doubt? Shit happens.
2. Start collecting rejections.
I consider all rejections proof of something, so I treasure each one. You went for it! You tried something new! You were brave! Every “no” is a testament to you and something to be proud of. Bravo!
Because I celebrate the courage to act more than the outcome, I love to set up “rejection challenges” in my work as a life coach. To complete the challenge, my clients have to be rejected 10 times within one week. Whether you get a win along the way or not, collecting your rejections like little trophies helps you separate your self-worth from the setbacks. You see them as a part of the process—not the end result.
And when you keep taking action, what once seemed impossible suddenly becomes possible! Thanks to my challenge, one client got her first paid speaking gig. Another had an incredible day shadowing a TV producer friend (she wants to get into the entertainment biz). One saved $300 asking for a Memorial Day sale to be extended to her outdoor furniture purchase. You can’t win without the possibility of failure.
3. Think of what rejection might be moving you toward.
When my boss gave me the boot, he found a suitable receptionist for the company, and I was redirected toward a career path that was more aligned with my abilities and interests. It was an eventual double win.
There are so many examples like this throughout our lives, and I see it all the time. One of my life coaching clients was devastated when her fiancé called off their wedding. But she soon fell in love with someone wonderful she met getting her Master of Business Administration degree. They now have a daughter and live happily abroad.
My husband was disappointed for weeks when he wasn’t chosen for a lateral position within the bank where he worked. Not long afterward, he was approached for a better role that led us to New York City! His rejection was the catalyst for our next chapter.
In my experience working with thousands of clients (and within my own life), rejections and setbacks are often a nudge in the right direction. This can sound annoyingly optimistic when we’re going through it. We want what we want when we want it. But it’s soothing to remember that a delay isn’t necessarily a denial. Give it time.
4. Do a vulnerability cost-benefit analysis.
In the early days of building my life coaching business and marketing myself to potential clients, I knew I had to post videos to YouTube and create social media content to reach my audience. But, even with a healthy relationship with rejection, I was nervous. I worried about negative comments and trolls.
Around that time, I received some strength from a surprising source: Kris Jenner. I interviewed Kris for an article I wrote as a freelancer. When it went live, she Tweeted it and tagged me. While the shoutout was amazing, I was more preoccupied with the flood of comments. I’ve never read such disgusting commentary in my life. I thought, Trolls happen to everyone. Kris shakes it off and launches a new brand by lunchtime.
That experience led to an epiphany: The key to pressing on is having something more important than fear in the driver's seat. So, instead of avoiding vulnerability, I weighed the benefits of posting content against the risk of doing it. I asked myself, Is this worth being rejected for? In the end, my goal (succeeding as a life coach) was more important than my sensitivity.
Susie Moore hosts the top-rated podcast, Let It Be Easy.
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