01.15.25
How to Prioritize When It’s All Too Much
Until we find a way to clone you, try this.
It’s no secret that life can be…a lot. Keeping up with your job, maintaining relationships, and tackling adult responsibilities can easily fill an entire weekend. We’ve all got stuff to do and limited time to do it, but sometimes that mountain of tasks seems totally insurmountable. You know that prioritizing is the only way you’ll get it all done. But how exactly do you prioritize when everything feels equally urgent and the list just keeps getting longer?
Here, experts explain the most common prioritizing roadblocks and how to get things done anyway (even the stuff you’d normally skip).
Why prioritizing sometimes feels impossible.
For those wading through a particularly overwhelming season of life, organizing what needs to be done and in what order is extra challenging, says Kathryn Lee, LMHC, a licensed psychotherapist in New York City who specializes in trauma, anxiety, and burnout. Becoming a new parent, caregiving for aging parents, or picking up chores for a sick partner or roommate is hard when life is already brimming with to-dos.
For others, doing all the things all the time is a way of life, says Lee. “Overextending is the only way they have felt valued, wanted, or needed in life,” she explains. For instance, people who grew up anticipating the needs and feelings of others to maintain peace in their household or avoid conflict may have internalized the belief that their needs aren’t important, and they’re constantly deprioritizing themselves. But that doesn’t make prioritizing any easier, even for the chronic overachievers.
Being burned out can also make it hard to plan and execute tasks, says psychiatrist Jessi Gold, MD, chief wellness officer of the University of Tennessee System and author of How Do You Feel? “One of the symptoms of burnout is a reduced sense of personal achievement,” she explains. “It doesn’t necessarily mean you become unproductive, it means you feel unproductive. And feeling unproductive can sometimes make you unproductive. Then you get frustrated and don’t get stuff done.” That vicious cycle can quickly make your to-do list feel never-ending, she adds.
How to start prioritizing more effectively.
No matter what’s getting in the way of you getting things done, here’s how to start moving through your to-do list without panicking (or putting yourself last).
1. Start with a quick feelings audit to figure out the biggest burden.
Instead of diving right into an arbitrary task, take a beat to consider what you’re feeling and all the factors contributing to that. Your answers will help you map out where to direct your time and energy, says Dr. Gold.
Are you spiraling because you don’t know how everything on your calendar will get done or because you don’t know where to start? Are you frustrated with your partner for slacking on chores? Are you angry because you don’t feel valued by your boss or a friend who keeps bailing on plans?
For example, if your partner isn’t pulling their weight, you might be better off having a conversation rather than reorganizing your to-do list. If feeling under-appreciated at work is the source of your frustration, maybe spending more time looking for a new role should move to the top of your agenda.
And if you’re feeling overwhelmed by some massive or traumatic event outside of your control, it’s probably worth reaching out for some support (friends, family, a therapist, whoever) first so you aren’t going through the next steps alone.
2. Don’t skip over the basics.
Not to add more to your to-do list, but making time for some very basic self-care tasks isn’t going to derail your whole day. Actually, it can help you better show up for everyone and everything on your list.
So if you’re not sure what to prioritize first, start here: eat breakfast, brush your teeth, spend five minutes journaling (or meditate, go on a walk, or whatever activity boosts your mental health). Then take on the rest of your day.
If you’ve consistently neglected those basic feel-good habits, it’s probably contributing to how ill-prepared you feel to tackle your to-do list. So, going forward, try some little adjustments to help make sure you’re well-rested, fed, hydrated, and fueled for whatever you have to do next. That might look like putting your phone on “do not disturb” at 8 p.m. every night, going to bed just a smidge earlier instead of starting another episode, blocking 30 minutes on your calendar to eat lunch or go for a walk each day. (You wouldn’t skip a work meeting, right?)
3. Do a brain dump of everything weighing on you.
Now, it’s time to make The List. Jot down all the things you need (or want) to take care of that are cluttering your mental space. Don’t hold back—include your work responsibilities, commitments to friends and family, the habits you’re trying to start or sustain, and the random projects you want to take on.
Even if you can’t realistically do all of that today (or even this year), the goal is to relieve the pressure to remember everything you want to get done, says psychologist Jessica Stern, PhD, a clinical assistant professor in the Department of Psychiatry at New York University Langone Health.
4. Find the to-dos that fuel you.
Think of yourself as a battery containing emotional energy. “Some things drain us, some things charge us, some things have no impact,” says Dr. Gold. Being aware of that can help you pinpoint the tasks and goals that matter most to you.
Take a beat to reflect on that massive list you just made. What gives you life? Ask yourself: Am I excited for this? Do I look forward to it? Is this something I want to make time for? Lee says. Make a note of the ones you’re hyped about.
By the way, if nothing on this list excites you, add in things that do! It could be as simple as watching more reality TV or reading a new fantasy novel.
It might even be worth highlighting these in a certain color so you can make sure to sprinkle them into your prioritized list, even if they aren’t the most pressing things.
5. Organize what’s important and urgent—and what’s not.
OK, we’ve finally arrived at prioritization station. To manage everything on your giant list, Dr. Stern suggests categorizing every task using two criteria: important and urgent. This breaks down into four buckets: important and urgent, important but not urgent, not important but urgent, and not important and not urgent. (She recommends using the Eisenhower Matrix as a helpful visual.)
The things that are both important and urgent, like paying bills and feeding yourself/your family, should stay on your list and move toward the top. The stuff that’s important but not urgent, like, say, negotiating your cable bill, can get pushed down the list. The urgent things that aren’t super important, like your favorite spin class or that pile of dirty laundry, are things you might be able to skip, delay, or delegate. This is the time for you to practice saying no and asking for help.
The rest of your list should be things that are not important and not urgent. All of these (with the exception of those basic self-care tasks and a few things that truly fuel you) can be moved to the bottom of the list or deleted altogether. Now we’re cooking!
6. Zap the energy suckers.
Even with a consolidated list, try to stay flexible, says Lee. Instead of mandating that everything must happen, use your feelings and your bandwidth to determine what habits or tasks are working and what aren’t. For example, if you’re blocking out time for a new hobby but it’s not as fun as you imagined, don’t force it, she adds. It’s OK if it doesn’t make sense anymore.
That said, it’s worth digging deeper when your gut reaction is to avoid something you know brings you joy. “Sometimes when we say no, it’s just because we’re overwhelmed and don’t recognize that,” Dr. Gold says. In those cases, it could be worth delegating some of your other tasks or finding a smaller-scale way to make that activity work. Maybe you read a book a month instead of a book a week or train for a 5k instead of a half marathon.
7. Give yourself a break.
Prioritizing every part of life is hard and everyone struggles with it, Dr. Gold says. So a little self-compassion goes a long way when you’re running on empty and pummeled by calendar invites.
When that happens, take a break from your agenda and get grounded by taking a walk outside, hopping in the bathtub, or doing a mindfulness exercise. If that’s not possible, try responding to negative thoughts and rude self-talk the way you’d speak to a friend. You can recite some realistic positive affirmations.
And, of course, if this becomes a pattern or you’re dealing with mental health symptoms that make it hard to function, consider reaching out to a therapist for help. Maybe this process isn’t working or it’s bringing up other stuff, like people-pleasing, perfectionism, distraction, anxiety, or whatever, a mental health pro can help you get to the root of the issue, says Dr. Stern.
Wondermind does not provide medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Any information published on this website or by this brand is not intended as a replacement for medical advice. Always consult a qualified health or mental health professional with any questions or concerns about your mental health.
