05.21.24
Is the Orange Peel Theory Actually Legit?
This has been a Wondermind investigation.
TikTok is home to lots of "relationship theories.” The one about red nail polish attracting more potential boos, the one about how your birth order impacts who you date, the one about a roast chicken that leads to engagement. It’s weird out there.
The latest: the orange peel theory, a challenge that tests the strength and fate of your relationship based on whether your partner disrobes some citrus for you—and the manner in which they fulfill your request.
In most of the orange peel theory videos, one of the participants secretly films their partner (a lot, if not most, of these people are in heterosexual relationships) as they ask them to peel an orange on their behalf. Sometimes the one being orange-peel-theoried completes the task without much feedback; other times they refuse or give a speech about autonomy and doing things for yourself.
According to TikTok, those who cheerfully get to peeling are basically your soulmate and your relationship is destined for success. If not, it could mean they’re a terrible partner/human and you should probably break up immediately.
Sounds? Fun? But, also, not totally off base. To get to the bottom of what this experiment really reveals, we spoke to mental health pros who specialize in romantic relationships. Here’s what they want you to know.
What is the orange peel theory?
The hypothesis of the orange peel theory is if your partner de-rinds an orange for you, then you can trust that they’ll be there for you and they value your relationship. One TikToker explained, “Their response is indicative of much bigger things than just merely peeling an orange because even a super tiny thing like that reveals so much about their attitude towards you and your relationship.” Another noted that it’s a baby step to building trust.
Does the orange peel theory work?
If it seems like this logic tracks, that’s because doing nice things for your partner is definitely a sign of a healthy relationship, says relationship and sex therapist Michelle Herzog, LMFT, CST.
Asking someone to do you a solid and peel your orange is an example of a bid for connection, or an action you take to get attention or affection from your partner, says clinical psychologist and couples therapist Erika Bach, PsyD. So if they respond positively, that’s generally a good thing.
If they shoo your bid away, this could make you feel disconnected and unhappy, for sure, but it’s not the only indicator of how healthy your relationship is, Dr. Bach says. Your significant other might fail the orange peel test for a number of totally fair reasons, she notes. They may not want to peel your orange because they’re busy, they’re feeling crappy, or they’d rather not make a mess (it’s sticky as hell!). When you insist, they might be a bit rude, but maybe they’re having a bad day. Is a blah reaction kind of annoying? Yeah! Does that mean you should dump them? Probably not.
Even if your partner does peel your orange, their trustworthiness doesn’t come down to a single minor task like this, notes Dr. Bach. Trust is one of the most crucial things that speaks to the health and stability of a relationship, and it’s built with time and consistency. It’s very possible your partner might forgo peeling an orange, and then be there 1000% for a hospital visit or a post-work vent session. Or they might be chill about peeling your oranges but suck at showing up for you in other ways.
Aside from not proving much about the strength of your relationship, testing your partner like this can make you feel worse about your bond than you already did. For example, if you’re prone to anxiety—or relationship anxiety specifically—you’ll likely stress over any response you get, Dr. Bach says. Take it from me: I tested this on my fiancé for the sake of journalism and still fell down a worry spiral when my request was met with a groan and, “You’re really going to make me do this?”
When your partner willingly peels your orange, your anxiety might urge you to ask again to get reassurance that they really are the best. If they end up peeling the orange but don't do it with a smile on their face, you might ruminate over that too. In the end, you could be left questioning the entirety of your relationship for a silly reason.
Finally, testing your relationship in this way could be sorta, kinda shady. Think about it: You’re trying to gauge if you can trust your partner, all the while, you’re being dishonest by testing them. How would they feel if they found out? Probably not great, says Dr. Bach.
Listen, it’s not a wild concept to want to test your partner. Maybe you’ve had a shitty relationship in the past, you’re feeling insecure in this relationship, or your partner hasn’t met your needs as of late. Whatever the case, a test can feel easier than communicating those things, notes Herzog. Still, it’s not fair to them or helpful for you in the long run.
How can I tell if my relationship is solid?
The answer doesn’t boil down to one act of kindness. Sorry, friends. To get insights on whether your partner has your back and your relationship is healthy, Dr. Bach suggests you ask yourself: Do they show up for me and respond to my bids for connection regularly? Do they handle conflict and challenges in a way that works for me? Do they validate my feelings?
You can also look for more positive patterns and green flags, like whether you can be yourself and feel safe around this person, suggests Dr. Bach. That’s another good indicator that your relationship is in a solid place.
Doing a little analysis on your own is helpful, but communicating your needs is even better. Unlike the orange peel theory, this isn’t a test of loyalty or love, says Herzog. “This is a normal and healthy practice within a relationship because it taps into emotional depth, connection, and intimacy between partners,” she explains.
Saying how you feel might seem scary if you’re not used to being that open, but you can start with something like, “When you don’t do certain things for me, it makes me feel ____ because ____,” or “I feel really loved when people do ____ for me, and that’s something that I feel like I’m missing right now.” It’s also helpful to give two or three actionable ways your partner can make you feel loved and supported, notes Herzog.
Then, pay attention to if they change their behavior. If you’ve expressed numerous times that acts of service (or words of affirmation or quality time) are important to you and your partner never shows up in that way, that’s information you can use, says Herzog.
Bottom line: If you haven’t orange-peel-theoried yet, don’t. If you have, take the results with a grain of salt. “No two relationships are the same. No two people have the same needs. And you’re not going to figure out from the internet whether someone is the right partner for you,” says Dr. Bach.
Wondermind does not provide medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Any information published on this website or by this brand is not intended as a replacement for medical advice. Always consult a qualified health or mental health professional with any questions or concerns about your mental health.
