11.07.24
23 Ways to Help a Friend Through a Breakup
Encouraging physical violence against pillows is encouraged.
My support system made a huge difference after I broke up with a college ex. They reassured me that I was making the right choice (even if I didn’t always feel like it). They let me vent and sent me encouraging texts. For example, a close pal texted: “Sometimes the right thing and the hard thing are the same.” Turns out, they knew just how to help a friend through a breakup.
When we’re navigating the end of a relationship, our friends can help us feel seen, more optimistic about the future, and less alone in the moment, says psychotherapist Olivia Verhulst, LMHC, PMH-C.
Some of our people get us out of the house when we’d rather wallow, some support us during those crying sessions, and others hype us up about being single, says therapist Jennifer Klesman, LCSW, author of You Can’t Stay There: Surviving a Breakup One Moment at a Time. But the ways to help a friend through a breakup are kind of endless.
If you’re not sure what to say or how to comfort a friend after a breakup, the best move is to ask what they need, notes psychotherapist Natasha Camille, LCSW. Maybe it’s obvious, but you’ll be most supportive when you show up in a way you know they’ll appreciate—rather than taking a stab in the dark.
It's OK if they’re not sure what they need! Give them options. Offer to cook for them, talk on the phone, or drop their ex's stuff off, Camille suggests. All of these are helpful ways to comfort somebody.
If you're looking for more inspo, we spoke to folks whose buddies knew exactly what to say to someone going through a breakup—and how to be there for them. Here’s how they helped their friends navigate breakups.
1. Provide the good vibes.
“One of the most impactful things a friend did for me during a tough breakup was show up at my apartment with ice cream and Kit Kats and binge-watch all the High School Musical movies with me. It created a happy memory and gave me a break from thinking about my ex.” —Jessie H., 27
2. Encourage self-compassion.
“A friend I’ve known since college told me that I should give myself grace for not spotting red flags in my relationship. Thinking you should have known better or been smarter isn’t fair or helpful. Forgiving myself allowed me to release feelings of shame and judgment.” —Piera V., 35
3. Validate them.
“If you’re wondering how to help a friend through a breakup, the best thing someone ever said to me was, ‘Sure, it'll get better, but right now it just fucking sucks.’ I wasn't ready to look on the bright side and get over my breakup because it was so fresh, and hearing this made me feel like they actually understood what I was going through. They were in the thick of it with me.” —Kimberly C., 33
4. Offer a safe space.
“My best friend let me use their guest room whenever it was too hard to be in my own space. I could process away from things that reminded me of my ex. It was the kindest thing in the world.” —Anonymous, 27
5. Be physically present.
“My closest loved ones kept dropping by with zero expectations. They would preface their visit by saying we didn’t have to talk about it or do anything; they just wanted to physically be there with me. Having the company got me out of my head, grounded me in the present, and helped me realize I am not alone.” —Kristin, 43
6. Let them vent.
“They just listened to me over and over and over and validated my feelings of hurt, sadness, and heartbreak.” —Emily Y., 42
7. Hold your judgment.
“I liked it when friends didn’t judge me for my feelings being all over the place. From wanting my ex back to never wanting to speak to him again, it changed by the hour at times, and having someone be patient with me was so helpful. It’s dramatically easier to get through these ups and downs if no one is judging you.” —Jennifer Klesman, LCSW, therapist
8. Tell them it’s OK to want something better.
“I went through a breakup my junior year of college after I’d just turned 21. My sister told me that choosing who we spend our life with is something we can be completely selfish about. It put things into perspective for me: The relationship wasn’t the best for me or my ex and we deserved to be happy.” —Julia, 32
9. Be open to helping in whatever way they need.
“Different friends took care of different needs. I cried to one of them, and another helped me not think about the breakup. When that friend told me he was worried because I wasn't talking about my feelings, I told him he was helping me by not talking about it. He was the person I could focus on something else with. So, basically, I think the best thing your loved ones can do for you during a breakup is to ask what you need from them. It might not be what you expect, but everyone helps in their own ways.” —Andrea A., 25
10. Help them shake bad thoughts.
“After my breakup happened on New Year’s Eve, I felt like it was entirely my fault and I should’ve changed myself to meet his wants and needs. I was left feeling like I wasn’t enough (see: relationship anxiety). My friends really helped me get unstuck from these negative thoughts. They opened my eyes to the fact that I didn’t need to change for anyone.” —Angelo C., 22
11. Give them space to make decisions.
“I was in a toxic relationship for a few years. My best friend was there for me every single day and always made me realize my worth, but eventually, she said, ‘I can’t keep telling you to leave him ’cause you’ll only do that when you’re ready. Until then, I’m here to support you.’ At that moment, I realized I was more than ready to leave, and I left him not even a month later.” —VB, 27
12. Encourage them to get curious about themselves.
“After a string of attempts at dating post-divorce, I was beyond frustrated as I tried to figure this new life out. A good friend told me I had an unfortunate circumstance that put me in an amazing position to learn more about myself. After that conversation, those words defined me. I took a two-year break to find out who I am and what I live for. I learned to love me more and realized that I didn’t have to settle for anything I didn’t want in my life.” —Alicia P., 40
13. Join in on their new hobbies.
“I went through a very difficult breakup 14 years ago when my engagement ended. I didn’t notice the loss as much on weekdays, but I struggled on weekends when I had more free time. So, I decided to do things that would make me feel accomplished. When I started training for a sprint triathlon, my friends and family cheered me on every step of the way and swam, ran, and biked with me. I also trained to do an 18-mile walk for suicide prevention with my sister. We would have huge blisters, but she still did it with me so I wouldn't be alone.” —Brianna Brunner, LCSW, therapist
14. Never underestimate a good hype session.
“A few years ago, I was feeling really bad about myself after going through a breakup. My amazing friend, who I always go to when I need a pep talk, reminded me how amazing I am. I think a lot of us feel like ending a relationship means we’re left with nothing. But when I remembered my own worth, I realized that I was going to be OK even though I was sad.” —Gina W., 26
15. Continue checking in.
“When I went through a friendship breakup, the absolute most helpful thing for me was people checking in even months later. This is typically the time that’s most isolating after any breakup because outside people move on. But my friends and family know grief like that doesn’t go away. When they kept offering to talk about it, it made me feel like I wasn’t burdening them.” —Olivia Verhulst, LMHC, PMH-C, psychotherapist
16. Remind them this won’t suck forever.
“After a breakup a few years ago, my friend said something like, ‘This too shall pass.’ It sounds like a cliché, but it pulled me out of my self-pity. It made me realize that, although the hurt felt all-consuming, it wouldn't last forever. It's not like you don't care about it anymore, but the hurt wanes.” —Cara R., 32
17. Be on call for them.
“When my boyfriend broke up with me three days before Valentine’s Day, one of my friends told me to blow up her phone. She said she knew how hard it was to go from texting your partner 24/7 to not texting them at all, so she gave me permission to do that with her.” —Molly S., 25
18. Help them stay off of their social feeds.
“After my engagement was called off, my twin sister told me not to post about it, and she and my friends encouraged me to just stay away from social media. This helped me realize that I didn’t have to explain myself to other people—I didn’t owe anyone anything. It also protected me from the negativity of the internet. Then, I started fresh with new accounts so I could enjoy social media without being reminded of the past.” —Anonymous, 41
19. Make plans.
“When I felt completely numb after my breakup, my best friends got me out of the house and kept me smiling, laughing, and positive. We shopped at Sephora, Barnes & Noble, and Target and went to the gym. We even took walks around our apartment complex to just talk about my feelings while being outside, unplugged, and in the fresh air. This was truly the best type of medicine, and going on little adventures together was a good distraction.” —Angelo C., 22
20. Be their instant replay.
“The most helpful thing that my friends did during my breakup was remind me this was a healthy decision. They brought up things I told them about my relationship when I was still in it, and it felt good knowing my friends remembered these important details. They shared their opinions and reminded me why I can stand behind this choice.” —Natasha Camille, LCSW, psychotherapist
21. Point out the bigger picture.
“I was devastated when my first (and only) serious relationship ended. Looking back on it, I tied a lot of my self-worth to being with them. The best thing that my friends and family told me was that I dodged a bullet. We broke up due to poor communication and that would have been very problematic down the line.” —Casey C., 24
22. Remind them about fate (if that’s what they’re into).
“I went through a breakup a month after I graduated college—an already uncertain and stressful time. The most helpful thing my mom told me was that it would have worked out if it was meant to be. It seems basic, but that idea kept my head above water! It stuck with me as I healed.” —Katelyn A., 27
23. Encourage them to keep doing life (or punch shit).
"After a breakup with someone I assumed I'd spend my life with, my best friend knew exactly what I needed. First, we went to a boxing class and punched the hell out of some heavy bags. Then, over dinner and a few glasses of wine, I said I felt like someone hit pause on my life right when it was getting good. I told her I wanted to fast-forward out of this period of uncertainty. That's when she reminded me that my life wasn't on pause; it was happening right now, and it would be a shame to waste it by waiting around for some magical level of certainty that would probably never come. That shifted my perspective. Despite our best efforts and intentions, we can't control what happens to us. And when bad shit happens, we can't just wait around for things to get good again. We have to keep living through it. And, sure enough, it got good again—even better, actually." —Casey G., 35
These quotes have been edited and condensed for length and clarity.
Wondermind does not provide medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Any information published on this website or by this brand is not intended as a replacement for medical advice. Always consult a qualified health or mental health professional with any questions or concerns about your mental health.
