Calling all unchill people: If you’re reading this, you’re probably either currently freaking out or you’re anticipating your next freakout. Maybe your flight just got canceled, your boss called you in for an impromptu meeting, or you’re beyond overwhelmed with something/everything going on in your life. Whatever it is, you can’t deal with one more person telling you to “calm down” unless they’re literally going to lay out the steps for how to calm down!
We got you. Here, we asked therapists for their go-to ways to calm down fast—no matter what’s contributing to your frenzied state. Don’t forget to bookmark this for the next time things get weird.
1. Try a breathing exercise.
When you’re overwhelmed, your brain basically tells your body that you’re in danger, flipping on your fight-or-flight response, says licensed psychologist Carolyn Rubenstein, PhD. That makes your heart beat faster, your breath quicken, and your muscles tense up. But taking deep breaths activates your parasympathetic nervous system, the part of your nervous system that controls the “rest-and-digest” response. That system tells your body, It’s OK, you can rest now. You are safe, Dr. Rubenstein explains.
To get chill, place your hands on your stomach. Inhale for three to seven seconds, feeling the air inflate your belly like a balloon. Then, exhale for five to eight seconds, feeling your stomach deflate, Dr. Rubenstein says. If that technique isn’t for you, licensed clinical psychologist Nicole Hayes, PhD, suggests box breathing: inhaling for four, holding for four, exhaling for four, and holding for another four.
2. Use your senses.
Focusing on the present moment (aka grounding) helps you get out of your head and away from your racing thoughts, says Dr. Rubenstein. One way to do that is to use your senses—sight, touch, taste, hearing, smell—to connect with what’s around you. That interrupts your overwhelm, she explains.
Therapist Maureen Gaffney, LCSW, likes the 5-4-3-2-1 method, where you pinpoint five things you can see, four things you can touch, three things you can hear, two things you can smell, and one thing you can taste. But if you don’t want to engage all of your senses, pick one. For example, try to find all of the red things near you, Dr. Rubenstein says. Or, focus on the sound of calming music or the feeling of the ground beneath your feet, she notes.
3. Loosen up.
Sure, this won’t magically finish your to-do list or get your boss off your back. That said, shaking off any overwhelm-induced physical tension can help you mentally calm down too, explains Dr. Hayes.
Progressive muscle relaxation is a good do-anywhere move, Dr. Hayes says. Starting from your head and working your way through the rest of your body, tense the muscles in your face, neck, shoulders, etc. for a few seconds before releasing them. You’ll notice that they feel a lot less bunched up than when you started.
If that’s not your thing, go on a slow walk or stretch, Dr. Hayes suggests. Bonus points if you get out of the space where you first felt overwhelmed so you can better focus on the feel-good vibes, she notes.
4. Express yourself.
When you keep everything inside, your emotions can pile up and lead to overwhelm—even if your life is relatively chill right now. But when you write your feelings out, it lightens the load, says Gaffney.
Sometimes it’s hard to hit pause and express yourself when your heart is racing, your muscles are tense, and you’re feeling underwater, notes Gaffney. If that’s the case, try some of the techniques above to calm down.
Once you’re physically a little calmer, just free-write whatever comes to mind, Gaffney suggests. Or, if you like prompts, try: What would your life look like if you weren’t overwhelmed, and how does that compare with how your life looks now? This enables you to create a path out of overwhelm, she says.
If you’re not into journaling, you can talk out your emotions with others or find a creative way to express them, says Gaffney.
5. Butterfly tap it out.
Another self-soothing exercise that can help counter your fight-or-flight response by triggering the parasympathetic nervous system is a technique called the butterfly hug, explains Dr. Rubenstein.
Cross your arms and place each hand underneath your collarbone or right at your shoulders. Slowly alternate tapping one hand against your chest and then the other. Repeat this until you notice your body and mind transitioning from stressed to relaxed, Dr. Rubenstein says.
6. Revise your to-do list.
When everything seems urgent, it’s easy to freeze up or try to just barrel through as much as you can without stopping. Both are super unhelpful, TBH. Instead, try triaging your tasks to stress less.
To sort through the chaos and encourage time management, write down everything you want or have to do, Gaffney says. Seriously, dump it all on a page. Then, arrange your list in order of importance. What needs to get done today because of a deadline or some other big consequence? What has to happen but could wait until tomorrow or later on? Once you’re done with the must-dos, think about what doesn’t need to happen. What is actually not a priority right now? What’s something you can delegate to someone else or say no to?
7. Take a shower.
Showering is another simple way to practice grounding. You can concentrate on the smells of your soaps and the feeling of the water instead of what’s in your head, says Dr. Hayes. Also, it forces you to disconnect from things that might be stressing you out, like work emails or social media, she says.
If the idea of taking a break to shower causes more stress, use that time to think through whatever’s going on, says Dr. Hayes. That way, you have your mini vacation from the overwhelm, but you’re regaining a small sense of control too.
8. Split up big tasks into smaller actions.
Breaking up things that feel extra intimidating helps you see that you don’t have to do it all at once, says Gaffney. Say you have a paper due next week. Start with an outline today. Then, spend a couple of hours over the next few days writing it. Or, instead of penning all 100 of your wedding thank you cards in one go, tackle them over the span of four weekends, doing 25 each time.
9. Find a tiny win.
Gaining some momentum may also help us overcome overwhelm. Doing one small chore, even if it’s unrelated to what’s overwhelming you, can prove that you’re totally capable of more, says Gaffney. It gets the ball rolling before you move on to that looming concern.
For example, making your bed, folding a pile of laundry, or just doing something gets you unstuck and moving, Gaffney explains. And when you’re in a better mindset, you can accomplish a harder task.
10. Invite someone over.
We don’t know if you’ve heard, but having a friend, roommate, or partner present while you do an overwhelming thing can help you stay motivated. This is called body doubling, says Dr. Hayes. When someone is there to witness your work and hold you accountable as you do your taxes or clean the garage, you’re more likely to get it done, she notes.
11. Pinpoint what you can and can’t control.
Oftentimes, we’re overwhelmed by hypotheticals or things we literally can’t control, says Gaffney. Thank you, anxiety! You may not even know you’re spending energy on problems you can’t solve until you see them written down, she notes.
To check yourself, make a list of what feels overwhelming to you right now, Gaffney suggests. Perhaps you’re all up in your head about your sick dog. You’re worried about the vet bill, poop on the floor, and the illness getting worse. Then, decide which of these are in your control and which aren't.
That process of elimination can help you sort through the stuff that's not worth worrying about and what is. So, you can clean up after your dog, cuddle them, and look into pet insurance if necessary, but you can’t predict how their sickness will pan out by scrolling Dr. Google.
12. Upgrade your internal dialogue.
You might feel better about handling an overload of emotion or to-dos when you change critical self-talk to commentary with self-compassion, says Dr. Rubenstein. She suggests validating statements like, This is hard, or, I’m here for myself, instead of, What’s wrong with me?! Anything you’d say to a friend is fair game.
And if it feels weird to say something nice like this, you can write it down, Dr. Rubenstein says. Whatever you do, just try to shift from mean inner dialogue to a kinder one.
Wondermind does not provide medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Any information published on this website or by this brand is not intended as a replacement for medical advice. Always consult a qualified health or mental health professional with any questions or concerns about your mental health.
