12.17.24
7 Rules for a Less Chaotic December
“The holidays don’t need to be elaborate and grandiose. Sometimes they can just be.”
In December, I think a lot about the lyrics of the Christmas carols playing on the radio, inside CVS, and anywhere else you turn. From, “There’s no place like home for the holidays,” to, “It’s the most wonderful time of the year,” there’s so much sentimental jollyness. With all that cheer in the ether, it can seem impossible to experience any emotion other than joy and delight.
But, for many, December isn’t joyful or delightful. It can be overwhelming, painful, and come with a heightened sense of loneliness, loss, or gloom clinging to the chill in the air.
If you can relate, the enhanced joy of others can actually exacerbate your feelings of dread or sadness. A dark sense of guilt often accompanies this—covering us like ivy on a cold brick building. How could we possibly feel so out of control in a time that’s so merry and bright? What’s wrong with us?
I get that. And if you know me, you know that I ground myself through lists of rules and reminders to keep me going when I’m overwhelmed or feeling down. This time of year is no different. Here are my rules for getting through this chaotic, joyful, cozy, and occasionally heartbreaking season. I hope it helps you too.
1. Count memories, not calories.
This rule is a welcome reminder, one that encourages me not to slip back into the old habits that have clouded my memories of holiday seasons past. There was certainly a time in my life when I ruined celebrations and entire holiday seasons by over-scrutinizing and over-analyzing my body. I added to the chaos by restricting food at parties and family gatherings, punishing myself for enjoying a meal with hours of exercise, and making myself miserable. I couldn’t see food as the fuel my body deserved and required to function properly.
In reality, opportunities to enjoy sweet treats and family meals are part of the charm. These days, prioritizing time with family, friends, and great food instead of agonizing over calories and restricting myself throughout the holiday season is my goal.
2. Make a movie bucket list.
Sometimes it feels too overwhelming to even approach the idea of creating holiday magic. As you watch your days blur by and scroll through what seems like everyone ice skating, making gingerbread houses, and going to tree lightings in festive outfits, that can leave you with FOMO.
But the truth is, you really don’t need much to muster up holiday joy and cheer—and you don’t even need to leave home. Instead, make a bucket list of all your favorite, nostalgic holiday movies (plus a few new ones just for good measure), light a pine-scented candle, cuddle up on the couch with some holiday cookies, and take a trip down memory lane.
3. Set New Year’s aspirations.
Remembering the New Year’s resolutions you never followed through on is another troubling sign that we’ve reached the end of the year. As is the looming dread of inevitably making new ones.
I’ve always found the word “resolution” to be so heavy. To resolve to do something almost represents a level of certainty or severity—you resolve to complete it. When life gets in the way, you feel unaccomplished. A loser, a failure, a flop—unable to complete even the simplest of resolutions.
Truth is, life happens. Years are hard. Priorities become unmanageable, and it’s OK if you don’t cross those resolutions off your to-do list. That’s why I prefer to set New Year’s aspirations, or tangible and accessible ways I aspire to elevate my life and the reality of my day-to-day.
For example, instead of resolving to go to the gym five times a week, I aspire to move my body in a way that feels good to me as often as I can. Or, I aspire to care for myself before I take on the task of worrying about my loved ones. When I aspire to make changes rather than resolving to make them, I don’t beat myself up if it doesn’t happen. I can just carry that aspiration from one year to the next. I can also let go of the aspirations I no longer crave.
4. Make a new playlist.
There’s absolutely nothing like a fresh playlist to cure a funk. Music (or, more specifically, a soundtrack for my life) always makes unmanageable times feel less intense. I’m transported through the lyrics or melodies of my favorite artist’s music. That’s why making a new playlist for this hectic time of year has become part of my routine. It’s a blank slate for creativity.
When I’m making a playlist of my own, I typically reference the thousands of playlists made by other users on the streaming platform as inspo. Then, I start adding songs that elevate my mood or make me feel excited and inspired. Finally, I give it over to the algorithm to add some similar songs and find new sounds. Whether or not you add Christmas music is totally up to you, but if it were me, a few holiday songs never hurt.
5. Reflect, refresh, rejoice.
In order to truly enjoy the holidays, you’re probably going to need a little prep work. This time of year is a marathon—not a sprint. And, in my experience, breathing, resetting, and refreshing yourself before diving in is the best way to regulate your nervous system so you can get to the good part (and not crash out five minutes into the holiday party).
First, reflect. My favorite way to do this is using a notebook or journal to think about what went right today, what went wrong, and how tomorrow can be better. Especially this time of year, this simple prompt helps me re-prioritize and reminds me of what is most important.
After reflecting, we need a refresh. The goal of the refresh, in whatever form it takes, is to get into a calm and serene place before you take on the chaos of the world around you. A good example of this is taking The Shower (colloquially known as an “everything shower”). But you could also do something else that makes you feel fresh and new and helps you calm down. You can get a haircut, buy that new sweater, or get a manicure.
Once the reflecting and refreshing is done, you’ll feel more available for the rejoicing—the best part of all. Self-care is community care. When you prioritize yourself and your needs, you make yourself available for enjoying and spending time with loved ones. When you’re recharged for special holiday moments, you’ll be in the right mindset for whatever holiday chaos ensues.
6. Just finish.
Over the course of the next few weeks you may hear people say things like, “Finish strong!” or “Finish out the year on a good note!” Though I appreciate what they’re saying, I think we need to reinforce the idea that finishing the year at all is worth celebrating. You survived it. Lived through it. Got through 100% of the days of this year—and you will again. Finish mediocre, finish slow, just finish. You can do this.
7. Go see the lights and drink hot cocoa.
One of my favorite traditions is too simple and too lovely to pass up. All you need to do is get some delicious hot cocoa from a local spot (or make your own) and go spectate the holiday lights and decor. Find the best lights! Listen to holiday music! Hold hands with people you care about! The holidays don’t need to be elaborate and grandiose. Sometimes they can just be.
Wondermind does not provide medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Any information published on this website or by this brand is not intended as a replacement for medical advice. Always consult a qualified health or mental health professional with any questions or concerns about your mental health.
