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Here’s How I Keep Financial Shame From Holding Me Back

We're taking our wallets back like the healed people we are. ByDasha Kennedy

Dasha Kennedy

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Financial shame can weigh you down—and I should know. Lord knows I’ve been there. Like a bad breakup, shame about your money can follow you, giving you grief when you least expect it. Shame can make you feel like you should do everything but face your finances head-on. But guess what? We're not doing that anymore. 

Despite the pain it causes, breaking up with financial shame isn't easy. It's a journey, and maybe not the kind you feel motivated to document. But it's a journey worth taking. 

When you do, it can be a turning point in your relationship with yourself. You can learn to be open and honest with your finances. Even when it gets ugly, facing your financial shame teaches you to love and forgive yourself for what you didn’t know and the things you did just to survive. Then, you can make moves forward. 

We deserve to feel empowered about our finances, and you deserve to build and fund a life you love. So if you’re ready to ditch the guilt, embrace the mess, and celebrate every step forward, it’s time to go for it. 

Here’s how I broke up with financial shame and took my wallet back—and you can too. 

1. I stopped hiding from my bank account. Period.

For years, my bank account was a major point of stress for me. If there’s one thing about the old Dasha, it’s that she wasn’t about to add that to everything else going on. I knew it was there, I knew it was probably a mess, but I just…avoided it. 

Then one day, I decided enough was enough. I made one commitment to myself: weekly money check-ins. It started with sheer terror, like, Oh god, what's lurking in there? But, slowly, it became an act of self-respect. Like, Dasha, you deserve to know what's going on.

It wasn’t about judging myself, it was about taking control. And let me tell you, the first time I saw the real numbers was a wake-up call. It was also a relief in a way. 

Sure, it was a mess, but I knew it was time to come clean to myself. I deserved that honesty.

2. I stopped comparing my progress to others’ highlight reels. 

Seriously, y’all, social media is not a financial planner. We know the drill. We scroll, we see perfectly curated lives, fancy vacations, and designer bags. Then we think, Damn, I'm doing it all wrong.

But here's the truth: Social media is a highlight reel, not a documentary. I had to unfollow certain creators who made me feel like my journey wasn't good enough (see: social media comparison). I needed to focus on my own lane and go at my own pace. 

And you know what? It was liberating. Suddenly, I wasn't competing with anyone but myself. I turned my focus to accounts that made me feel good and challenged me in ways that felt authentic to who I wanted to become.

3. I started celebrating small wins loudly. (Like, really loudly.)

We're so used to focusing on the big picture and these big goals that we forget to celebrate the little victories. But those little wins? Those are the building blocks of progress.

I remember the first time I paid off a small credit card bill, I literally did a happy dance in my kitchen. It felt like a weight lifted off of me. And that moment of realization led to a major discovery: I was worthy of celebrating, no matter the win. Baby steps are still movement.

So I started celebrating everything from paying off a credit card (even if it was a small balance) to sticking to my grocery budget for the week (though raising two boys means the latter was actually not a little victory, it was the damn championship). 

4. I built money boundaries I don’t apologize for.

"Not this week." Those three words changed my life. I used to feel guilty saying no to social events or spending money on things I didn't need. But setting boundaries is not selfish, it's self-preservation.

Those words taught me the power of saying "no" without guilt. My energy and focus shifted once I prioritized myself. 

It changed my friendships too. The people who truly cared about me respected my boundaries, and the others, well, they showed their true colors. 

Saying no is not about depriving yourself of time with your people, it’s about discovering who really are your people when you say no to a bachelorette weekend or a night out that pushes past your budget boundaries.

5. I gave myself permission to learn without judgment. 

Let’s be real, no one handed us a manual on adulting and finances once we turned 18. We're all figuring it out as we go. Because of that, I had to give myself permission to learn, make mistakes, and ask questions. 

So I took a financial literacy course that completely shifted my mindset. It was like finally understanding a language I'd been trying to learn for years. Knowledge is power, y'all.

6. I reframed past mistakes as lessons. 

We all have those financial skeletons in our closets. Mine was a massive unpaid electric bill that I buried for years. I was so ashamed of it, I pretended it didn't exist. That shame was holding me back. 

Once self-forgiveness became a part of my budgeting routine, I reframed that bill as a lesson and finally faced it. I thought, OK, Dasha, you messed up, but you learned from it, and now you're moving forward. I was my own financial therapist, and we had a lot of self-forgiveness conversations. 

I started paying it off little by little. It took a long time, but chipping away at it meant the lights stayed on. I was getting back on track.

7. I focused on progress, not perfection. 

Progress isn't always pretty. It's messy, it's inconsistent, and it's full of setbacks. But it's still progress. 

I remember one month I was trying to stick to a strict budget, and I completely blew it. But instead of beating myself up, I acknowledged the mistake, adjusted my budget, and kept going. That "imperfect" money moment still felt like growth—because it was.