How Emily Abbate Embraces Life’s Hurdles
The ‘Hurdle’ podcast host opens up about embracing being alone and being her own cheering squad.If you’re ever in need of a heavy dose of motivation, look no further than Emily Abbate, former magazine editor turned podcast host who has run 11 marathons. After hosting hundreds of Hurdle podcast episodes and embarking on a wellness journey in college, she’s learned a thing or two (or, like, 500) about overcoming life’s obstacles, being your own cheering section, and why it’s never too late to start something.
“You'll never regret taking the time for you. But in order to do that, you've got to get OK with being uncomfortable and just start,” she tells Wondermind. Read on for what else Abbate has to say about her mental health, embracing alone time, and focusing on her values.
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WM: How are you doing lately?
Emily Abbate: You know what? I'm actually good. I'm coming off of a fair amount of travel, including a trip to the World Athletics Championships in Eugene, Oregon, and most recently, a stint in Salt Lake City for a women's empowerment conference that a dear friend of mine put on. So I am good, and I feel really lucky that I get to do so much of what I love and consider it work.
WM: On your podcast, you focus on various people overcoming life’s hurdles. What's a hurdle that sticks out to you as a major turning point in your mental health journey?
EA: When I was younger, in college, I had really awful negative self-talk. If I had to put that on blast to the world, I would have been extremely embarrassed. A large part of that was that I wasn't prioritizing myself. I wasn't doing things that filled up my cup so that I could give back to me and also the people I care about.
Learning that I was worthy of my own investment through treating myself better, through finally talking with a therapist, through nourishing my soul with not only good foods and good activities but also good-for-me relationships, was a huge turning point for me. [That] ultimately propelled me into this career of helping other people find what works for them to live healthier, happier, more inspired lives.
WM: You worked at a health magazine before starting your freelance writing career and the Hurdle podcast. What has becoming your own boss taught you about mental health?
EA: To prioritize it [laughs]. Like I was saying to talk to yourself like you would a loved one, I don't want to tell anyone that I have an awful boss. Certainly at times I can get into that mode where I'm like, What are you doing? You're not doing enough. You could be doing more, etc., etc. The reality is that I need to take care of myself so that I can come into this studio each and every day that I am here and put my best foot forward and continue to move forward on my mission to motivate others to find what healthy looks like for them. … I've gotta put my oxygen mask on before I can help anybody else.
WM: Being in the self-care and self-improvement field, do you ever find it hard to walk the walk?
EA: It's definitely been a struggle for me in the past, especially when I'm going through something personally. A good friend of mine who I had on the show once told me something that's always resonated with me, which is: “Be careful that the sword that you use to help others isn't the one that you fall on.” I think about that time and time again, that idea of putting on my own oxygen mask but also not showing up in a way that's not authentic to me. Everyone has bad days. There is no need to bring [in] toxic positivity or fake being OK when I'm not OK. If anything, there's relatability in vulnerability; perfection is not relatable. That is what I continue to come back to when it comes to using my platform for good.
WM: You pride yourself on your community and having one that you can lean on. What advice would you give people who are trying to build up a sense of community and support?
EA: There's a community in every corner, [but] you have to be open and willing to get involved. Start with asking yourself what your interests are and go from there. Perhaps you, like me, love running, or maybe you are the kind of person who loves to go thrifting, or maybe you would love to join a book club. Whatever your interest may be, that's a really great jumping-off point to find individuals that have that commonality with you. Once you open yourself up to getting involved with that community, which is a hurdle within itself, be where your feet are. If you're showing up for a run club or a book club, then be all in and be present—showing up isn't enough. You have to present yourself as open to that opportunity. You'll be pleasantly surprised, I think, with what comes back to you.
WM: Is there anything else that's had a significant impact on your mental health at work?
EA: I go back to this idea of being a solo entrepreneur. I spend a chunk of my time on my own. Despite loving my community, it’s not like I wake up every day and walk into the studio and there's hundreds of people sitting here to hang out with me. Although getting comfortable with spending this amount of time on my own took some time, it has been the most rewarding and beautiful journey for me to be on, especially as a single woman in her early-to-mid 30s, depending on who you talk to [laughs]. I now find so much joy and pleasure in spending time with myself.
That doesn't mean there aren't hurdle moments along the way or that I don't have moments of feeling lonely, etc. But I now know that my will is like a muscle, and it needs resistance and something to push up against to get stronger. That's what this chapter in my life has been; it's been one big exercise on learning how to strengthen my will, and by doing that, strengthen myself.
WM: How did you practice getting comfortable with being alone?
EA: It might sound a little corny, but the hardest part of getting OK with being by yourself is starting to be by yourself. So pushing yourself out of your comfort zone and trying to do things on your own that maybe you haven't done before—beyond things that we may inherently do alone, like commuting alone. But what about going to dinner alone or traveling alone or so many other activities, like taking yourself to a movie alone? I'm not saying you need to do that all the time, but the more time you spend with yourself, the more of a fan of you you will have to become. That is so important when it comes to not only being your own biggest hype human but also being able to show up in other situations for the people that you care about as well.
WM: What's something that helps you cope when you're having a low moment?
EA: Aside from running [laughs], I would say it's really my values and my mindset. I know that the challenges that come in are happening for me. Some days, my best strategy is to break the day up into little doables. … Then I recognize my efforts, and I take responsibility for being my own hype man. No matter how many people are cheering you on or want good for you, you have to want good for yourself.
This interview has been edited and condensed for length and clarity.
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