Q&A Link Copied 02.16.24

Why Brittany O’Grady Goes to Therapy

The ‘White Lotus’ and ‘It’s What’s Inside’ actor shares how she’s feeling lately. ByShannon Barbour

Photo Credit: Daniel Parvis

You already know Brittany O’Grady from series like Star and, most recently, The White Lotus, where she struck fear into viewers as a judgemental youth on vacation. These days, she’s starring in films like the comedy-drama Sometimes I Think About Dying, which released at the end of January, and It’s What’s Inside, a horror-comedy that Netflix snatched up after an outstanding showing at the 2024 Sundance Film Festival. 

On the heels of her latest projects, O’Grady sat down for a mental health check-in to talk about healing from bullying (“people are broken; we're all broken. It's just how we choose to deal with our brokenness.”), ruminating, and what she’d tell anyone who is struggling with their mental health.

WM: How are you doing lately?

Brittany O’Grady: I'm doing good. The unknown is always so scary. I think 2023 was a little bit hard just with the strike and things not moving for months. And then I had a family member who got a cancer diagnosis, so that was really tough. My sister has an early stage of breast cancer, and we're very close, so I was just faced with a lot of reality the past couple of months. It's even harder for her. She's been so strong and fantastic and brave. So it's been hard, actually. 

But also I'm feeling really good because I'm feeling very blessed and very lucky. My sister is doing great and still in the process of figuring out where things are going, and things are back up again [with work], which is nice. And throughout all of that, I feel like I've created a lot of healthy habits to cope, which is a big girl first for me. 

WM: I'm sorry to hear about your sister. Do you think you learned anything new about being there for someone else while also taking care of yourself?

BO: I think I started seriously investing in my mental health about 10 years ago, once I became an adult and came out the house and had jobs and was able to financially support myself and put it toward therapy. So, thankfully, I had a lot of tools in the tool belt. I think everybody's experience with illness can be so different and to varying degrees. There's no manual, no rule book. It's different for everybody. I think what I did was I just made sure that I was the healthiest version of myself so I could be there to support my sister through anything that she needs to the best of my ability. Being a support to someone who's dealing with a life-threatening illness, it's very much not about you. It’s about them and scary unknowns.

It's all about just making sure that you have a healthy support system around you, good friends to talk about what you're feeling so you can be fully available and selfless in that person's presence. That's kind of the most important thing. I have a really amazing husband that supports me through all of that, who's very wise and also very conscious of his mental health as well. 

WM: What was your path to finding therapy, and was there anything that surprised you about talking to a therapist? 

BO: The first time I got into therapy, I was about 10 or 11. … I think the progression of these past 15, almost 20 years, you hear everybody just mention like, “Oh, I talked to my therapist today,” which is just such a relief. There's been such a stigma, and I still am working through shame of needing help sometimes. When I was 10 or 11 [compared to] the availability of things that I have now, the therapists that I've been able to work with, and the stigma slowly going away as we all work through that, I just think the world's different, and it's improved rapidly. 

I love being able to talk to a professional, and I think it's like [how] you can go to the doctor to make sure you're healthy. I think you're not only helping yourself, but you're helping your community and the people around you by being the best version or human being that you can be. … It's kind of honing in on a craft or learning from a teacher in a way. It's a very selfless thing that you can do. 

WM: How do you care for your mental health on a regular basis? 

BO: I think the most important thing was a muscle I had to grow: working on being present and mindful and doing things for myself and staying grounded every day is really important to me. I love to cook; cooking makes me feel very grounded. [I’m] investing in the things that I can control, [like] what I put in my body. Hydration is actually a really big one. It's taken 10 years for me to actually be able to use the tools actively and having a positive mindset and speaking to myself kindly and not ruminating as much as I used to. 

Having these grounding things makes me feel comfortable, and also giving myself permission to do so. You don't always have to live in this fight or flight mode.

Boundaries [also] completely changed my mental health. I had no boundaries. I was just taking on so much shit. … Boundaries and grounding.

WM: You mentioned speaking kindly to yourself and not ruminating. What did that look like for you, and how do you flip the script when you’re feeling down? 

BO: I was a big ruminator—horrible ruminator. I think that was the biggest trap of my mental health, and it created a very strong decline at certain times in my life that made every day deeply debilitating, very miserable, [and I] could not be present. 

[I ruminated] on experiences I had where people didn't treat me well. I ruminated and believed that I deserved that treatment or I deserved to be spoken to the way I was spoken to. I’d replay scenarios of what somebody said to me. They say it’s kind of like planting seeds. Like, somebody could have said something to me 10 years ago, five years ago, or treated me a certain way, and it was a consistent movie constantly playing in my head. 

That was my biggest challenge, even from childhood to now. Now, the progress I've made, it was probably genuinely at a 90% [struggle], and it's probably gotten down to maybe 15% or 5%, which is huge for me. And I’ve just worked on [my] self-worth and coming to terms with life. I don't want to continue to live my life like this. I’m actively working with a professional to work through those emotions and allowing myself to feel them and not feel ashamed or intellectualize them or whatever. 

WM: You’ve spoken about bullying before, which sounds like it connects to some of what you’re saying. A couple years ago you said you were struggling to heal from that, but where do you think you are today? 

BO: I'm in a much better place. I think just maturity and life and growth and being in the later half of my 20s [helps]. I think forgiveness is a huge journey. I constantly surrounded myself with self-help, and it just didn't connect. It couldn't connect in my brain. I’m like, OK, how other people treat you is a reflection of them. But then I'm like, Why does it keep happening? 

It [took] truly understanding that forgiveness is for yourself. I [used] a lot of imagery, active forgiveness. It's a muscle. … [And I put] energy into things that are more positive than negative. Sometimes it's physical, lifting weights or doing something like that to help you be in your body more than your brain. 

And also, boundaries. When you start having boundaries, you realize, Oh, I don't give this person permission to speak to me this way or disrespect me in this way, and I don't deserve to be treated this way. It was when I created boundaries, when I started to really take a step back and observe someone else's behavior and not take it on. … It was like, Oh, this is this person's dysfunction. That's why I go to therapy, to make sure that I don't do that to others.

WM: If you could give yourself a pep talk right now, what would you say?

BO: I listen to affirmations a lot. One is by Louise Hay, and it goes, “All is well.” That's what I tell myself. All is well. I truly believe and allow myself to believe—even if it's a little delulu. There's so much accepting that things are out of my control. All is well, and out of this situation, only the best will come. I'm safe. 

That just helps me, and I've been listening to it for almost 10 years. Affirmations do kind of help. [At first] I was like, This is BS. And [now] I'm like, no, actually, if you can believe all this crazy, negative stuff you're telling yourself, you can believe the positive stuff about yourself and the positive things in the world.

WM: What else would you like to add?

BO: If anyone's struggling, I'm so sorry, and you're not alone. My heart is with you, and there's so many people in this world that care, truly. Don't be afraid to ask for help. … More people feel the way that you feel or have felt. 

Mental health can be very dark and very deep and a dangerous, low place. Take yourself seriously. Take your mental health seriously. Do whatever is necessary to enrich yourself and save yourself if anything gets to that point. 

This interview has been edited and condensed for length and clarity.