Explainer Link Copied 12.31.24

“Back to Bed Syndrome” Is the Reason Why You Want to Give Up Halfway Through the Day

Can we get a do-over? ByAshley Laderer

It’s one of those days. The lid gave way on your $7 latte and now you’re wearing it. You completely dropped the ball on something at work. You have zero energy and even less motivation to answer the 37 unread emails piling up in your inbox. Oh, and your credit card bill is due today! 

All you want to do is go back to bed. Give up. Try again tomorrow. 

Sound familiar? Welcome to what we’ve not-so-lovingly coined: Back to Bed Syndrome.

What is Back to Bed Syndrome? 

OK, so it’s not exactly a clinical term, but it’s a phrase we came up with to refer to that inescapable urge to call it a day and book it back to your bed when something/everything seems to be going wrong.

According to the experts, there are a few explanations for this relatable reaction. “It’s kind of like a nervous system overactivation. When we're so overwhelmed or distressed, we down-regulate activity. We start to get numb or dissociate,” says licensed psychologist Jenny Wang, PhD. “This feels like a way to cope when we’re disappointed, frustrated, or overwhelmed.” 

You can also think of it as a combination of both the “flight” and “freeze” responses. “There's this desire to leave the current situation that's too overwhelming––that kind of ‘flee’ response,” says Dr. Wang. “Then, you want to avoid, deny, or dissociate. That’s the ‘freeze’ quality, where you think, This is too overwhelming and I can't continue to focus on the stimuli that are overwhelming me.” 

There’s also some escapism at play here, says Dr. Wang. You don’t want to deal with the stress at hand—you just want to escape, even if just back to your own (super cozy, warm, inviting) bed. 

Why are we like this?

Often this reaction is the result of a cognitive distortion, also known as an unhelpful pattern of thinking. “I would say it is largely ‘all-or-nothing’ or ‘black-and-white’ thinking,” says licensed clinical psychologist Jessica B. Stern, PhD. 

An example of this is when you make a mistake and think, WELP, I’m a failure! Can’t do anything right! I give up! instead of a more rational response, like, Everybody messes up—including me. Let’s think about how to fix it. Or maybe your day just feels like a series of losses and you assume that literally nothing will go right the rest of the day. This can certainly give you the urge to go back to bed and have a do-over tomorrow, says Dr. Stern.

So sometimes you can blame Back to Bed Syndrome on your brain. But other times it may be more of a gradual buildup of both psychological and physiological stressors, says Dr. Wang. It’s worth asking yourself what factors might be contributing at the moment. Have you been sick? Not getting enough sleep? Are you about to get your period? What’s your water-to-coffee ratio like today? “All of these things can slowly begin to amp up the body so that it just can't tolerate any kind of distressing stimuli,” Dr. Wang explains.

Plus, people with certain mental health conditions might find this especially relatable. “Individuals with depression tend to have lower levels of motivation and energy, so it can be harder for them to fight through this process,” Dr. Stern says. “People with ADHD may also have lower levels of motivation, especially for tasks they do not want to do––which may make them more likely to deviate from their plan.” 

For example, if you get a less-than-perfect performance review at work in the midst of a depressive episode, it’s probably more likely to send you into a rabbit hole of cognitive distortions, negative thought patterns, and big emotions, as opposed to someone who isn’t currently struggling with their mental health, says Dr. Wang.

How to know if it’s a problem

Feeling like you want to pack it in and hide under the covers every once in a while is completely normal, says Dr. Stern. So is giving in to that urge occasionally. After all, we can’t be expected to be productive all the time. But if you find that your bed escapes are impacting your work (like if you can’t keep up with the tasks you need to complete), relationships (you have trouble communicating with the important people in your life), or life in general (you can’t fulfill your obligations), that’s a sign it’s becoming a problem, says Dr. Stern.

Or if you’re noticing Back to Bed Syndrome striking a lot more than usual, that’s another red flag, Dr. Wang says. At this point, it’s important to take a step back and ask yourself why this is happening again and again. Maybe you’re super burned out and spread too thin at your job. Maybe you have unresolved trauma that’s holding you back from functioning optimally at work or otherwise. 

If you have a history of mental health issues or a diagnosed mental health condition, this would be a good time to check in with your therapist or psychiatrist to let them know that you’re regularly retreating from life more than you used to. They might have suggestions for tweaking your treatment plan to help you navigate daily setbacks more easily. 

And if you haven’t sought mental health help before, this might be the push you need to talk to someone, says Dr. Stern. It might not seem like a big deal to say eff it to your day every once in a while, but if that urge is getting in the way of your life, that’s a pretty big sign you could use some support.

How to keep going when you can’t just go back to bed

As much as we’d love to go back to bed whenever we want, this isn’t usually a possibility, thanks to various responsibilities (and capitalism). Here are some tips to try to turn your day around—or at least make it suck a little less—until you finally can go back to bed.

1. Simplify your schedule.

If possible, Dr. Wang suggests trying to cut down on your schedule for the rest of the day. Are there any commitments you can get out of or push to another day? Any meetings that can just be an email? A deadline extension you can ask for? Dinner plans you can cancel? Taking something off your plate can help you feel like you aren’t on the hook for so much, allowing your nervous system to calm down a bit, she adds.

2. Delegate.

Remember: You don’t have to do everything by yourself all the time. You’re allowed to ask for help. And there’s probably at least one person in your orbit who can help you with at least one of the tasks you’re dreading today. 

“If you’re having trouble doing the things you need to, see if there is a way you can ask someone trusted for help,” Dr. Stern says. “Call up a friend or colleague to talk out an idea or delegate a piece that feels like too much.” 

3. Don’t stress about the details.  

You know the saying: Done is better than perfect. If you’re already spread too thin and stressed out, holding yourself to perfectionist standards won’t do you any good. “Progress over perfection is always the goal. Something is better than nothing,” says Dr. Wang. “Take the tiniest achievable step, even if it isn’t the ultimate goal, because it is practice for more steps tomorrow.”

Remember that you’re human, not a robot, and nobody’s perfect. Give yourself a break, especially on days when you’re really feeling the urge to quit and go back to bed. 

4. Take the scariest thing and break it up into smaller chunks.  

When you break a big project or task into little steps, it can feel a lot more do-able. “If you're having a difficult time keeping up with tasks that you need to complete, write a concrete, gentle plan for how you will effectively complete it,” Dr. Stern says. 

This also helps counter the all-or-nothing thinking that’s telling you to just avoid this task entirely because there’s no way you can finish it today. Sure, that may be true, but could you check off one or two small steps today as a favor to Future You? 

5. Try a low-lift grounding exercise.

If you feel like you’re about to crash out but you can’t really just quit your job and haul ass back to bed, try to at least excuse yourself for a moment (head to the bathroom or take a walk around the block) so you can focus on grounding. 

Grounding exercises are designed to bring us out of our heads and into the here and now, Dr. Wang says. “Sensory experiences allow the mind to temporarily release from the rumination of the mind that can exacerbate our stress,” she adds.

And they don’t need to take a lot of time and effort. For example, Dr. Wang says you can try drinking an ice-cold carbonated drink and really noticing all the sensations that come along with it, or splashing your face with cold water. If you’re WFH, you could even take a quick cold shower for a DIY cold plunge effect. Another great option: the 5-4-3-2-1 method, where you look for 5 things you can see, 4 you can hear, 3 you can feel, 2 you can smell, and 1 you can taste. 

6. Be a body in motion.

“Physical activity can be helpful because, when the nervous system is amped up, it's looking for somewhere for that energy to go,” Dr. Wang says. “For people with anxiety or depression, movement is often helpful for them to be able to discharge some angst.” 

And no, we don’t mean booking it back to bed. Countering your urge to faceplant into the nearest soft surface with a little bit of movement is a great example of practicing “opposite action,” which is a go-to Dialectical Behavior Therapy skill. Basically, you do the opposite of what you want to do just to get a little momentum going. Sometimes, that’s enough to trick your mind and body into going on about your day.  

So try getting some movement in where you can, whether that’s walking around while you vent to someone on the phone, laying on the floor and doing some stretches, or forcing yourself to take a little dance break. 

7. Treat yourself.

Listen, if you have to negotiate with yourself to keep being an adult today, so be it. Dr. Stern suggests pinpointing some rewards you can give yourself to make your day more enjoyable. Maybe you treat yourself to 10 minutes of TikTok scrolling once you finish a task, you make a lunch or dinner plan with your work bestie so that the whole day isn’t a bust, or you promise yourself an hour of mind-numbing TV the second you get home. Pick whatever motivates you the most to get through the day. You’ve earned it.