03.14.25
33 Ways to Ask for Help That Actually Work (and Aren’t Scary)
Fight the urge to add, "No worries if not!!!" Additional reporting byAshley Oerman
Whether you’re struggling with a work problem or something more personal, figuring out how to ask for help can be daunting. That’s especially true if you’re embarrassed about needing an assist in the first place.
Blame it on ~society~ or the way you were raised, but it’s common to feel like you have to go it alone through the hard stuff.
For example, you might have been taught that accomplishments are only worthy of celebration if you do it yourself. If others contributed to your efforts, the achievement doesn’t count. With that mindset, who would even consider sending an SOS in the thick of a work project, finals week, or just cleaning out the garage?
On top of that, the idea of seeking support can be tainted by embarrassment, shame, and a fear of rejection. Maybe you reached out to someone for help in the past and were met with crickets or a snarky comment. That can definitely make you think twice before doing it again.
Honestly, the number of reasons you might hesitate to get help are endless—everyone has their own brand of phone-a-friend phobia. But we’re happy to report that there are just as many strategies to ask for it.
Below, you’ll find a bunch of copy/paste-able ways to send up a verbal smoke signal when you need it (you’ll even learn how to ask for help without asking for help). Get ready to feel a lot better.
When you’re in your feels
Here’s a gentle newsflash: People will generally just not respond if they don’t have the time and energy to talk, so don’t be afraid about bothering someone when you’re emotionally underwater. When it’s time to open up, be as direct as possible about your feelings and what might help and consider acknowledging how tough this is for you without being overly, “No worries if not!!!”
Even if you don’t totally know what you’re feeling at the moment, you’re allowed to just ask a friend to go on a boba run and then try to sift through your stuff together (also that would be *chef’s kiss* if you get the sense your feelings are mainly loneliness).
Whatever route you choose, here are some ways to start the convo.
1. I don’t mean to burden you, but I’ve been struggling with something, and I think talking to you would really help. Could I share the situation with you?
2. I’m really, really overwhelmed about [insert what’s bugging you here]. Could you let me know what you think?
3. This is hard for me to talk about, and I don’t even know if I’ll be able to. But… can we try?
4. Honestly, I’m not doing OK, but it would really help to talk to you about what’s going on, if you have time.
5. I’m feeling a little off lately. Would you be down to watch the game later or go to the movies with me?
6. I’m not sure I need advice or anything, but can I word vomit about this issue I’m having?
7. To be honest, I’m having a hard time right now.
8. Hey, I need some help.
When you want to ask for help...without asking for help
Listen, being direct and using your words is highly recommended when seeking guidance from others. Communicating clearly helps your people understand the problem, what you need, and how they can help.
If you’re out here looking to get a hand without coming off too strong, there are ways to ease into the chat.
However, once you’ve got their attention, the key is to be straightforward about the issue and the part they can play. It’s not enough to put yourself out there and hope they read your mind, unfortunately. With those caveats out of the way, here are a few questions to break the ice.
1. It’s been a while since we’ve had a life update! When are you free?
2. Quick question: How much bed rotting is too much bed rotting?
3. Is Mercury retrograde making your month as unhinged as mine?
4. I’m in desperate need of some comfort TV. Any recs?
5. Have I ever told you how good you are at giving advice?
6. Do you like your therapist? Are they taking new clients?
7. I haven’t showered in four days. Is that bad?
8. Is the existential dread coming for you too?
When the stakes aren’t super high
Reaching out isn’t always a make-or-break scenario. So it’s OK to be a little more casual about asks like needing friendship advice or help transporting the amazing, definitely not bed-bug-ridden dresser you spotted on the curb. When the situation is more chill, here are some convo-starters to borrow.
1. Can I be mean for a sec? I need to vent.
2. Are you emotionally available for a deep chat, by chance? I need some advice but don't wanna overwhelm you. Let me know if there’s a good time!
3. Not to be dramatic, but this is an 🆘
4. I need help with _____, and I don’t really know how to deal. Can you brainstorm with me?
5. Hi! Can I tell you about my awful day?
6. Mind helping me with this thing that’s been bugging me when you get a chance?
7. I need an assist. Like, right now.
8. Wait, I need your take on this.
9. Can you help me with something real quick?
10. Pls. Send. Help. (Or Uber Eats, but call me.)
When you have to be professional about it
If your problems are work-related, you’ll probably want to maintain some composure while expressing what’s up to your colleagues. Bursting into tears, while often effective at getting immediate help, isn’t always the way you want to get your point across. Here’s how to touch base/run it up the flagpole/close the loop or whatever corporate jargon your boss speaks.
1. I’m not quite sure how to manage these new tasks on top of my existing workload. Could you help me prioritize?
2. You’re so good at _____. Can I run something by you for a gut check?
3. I’ve been working on _____, and I’m feeling a little stuck. Do you have time for a 10-minute chat to answer a few Qs that could help me finish this up?
4. I’ve been trying to improve on _____, and I really value your input. Would you be open to chatting about this in our next 1:1?
5. Can I borrow your brain for a few minutes?
6. Hi, squeaky wheel here. Can we revisit _____?
7. When _____ doesn’t get done, it impacts _____. Could you help me take care of these tasks more often?
Also, if you feel like you don’t have anyone to talk to or if you’re in crisis, please contact the 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline.
Wondermind does not provide medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Any information published on this website or by this brand is not intended as a replacement for medical advice. Always consult a qualified health or mental health professional with any questions or concerns about your mental health.
