When I first learned I had ADHD, I had a lot of catching up to do. Armed with a new diagnosis, I started connecting the dots of why I struggled to keep up at work, hold down the fort at home, and generally stay on top of my shit the way so many friends were able to. But among the common adult ADHD diagnosis revelations I had, one thing I didn’t consider for a long time? How it showed up in my sex life. ADHD, as I first understood it, mostly wreaked havoc on practical, mundane tasks—what could it have to do with sex?
Well, potentially a lot, it turns out. “We bring all of ourselves to our relationships and our sexual encounters, including our ADHD,” says psychologist Ari Tuckman, PsyD. And when ADHD involves symptoms like difficulty paying attention and impulsivity, it’s not hard to imagine what that might look like in the bedroom.
That said, it’s important not to point and exclaim “ADHD!” at your every behavior, sexual or otherwise. Instead, Diane Miller, PsyD, recommends approaching the topic with curiosity and openness, seeking possible connections instead of definitive answers to: Is this an ADHD thing or nah? “That mindset leaves space to understand the unique challenges and strengths that come with having ADHD and being in a sexual relationship, while still recognizing the many other factors that also impact your sexuality,” she says.
This is especially true given the many different ways ADHD can manifest, both in subtype (predominantly inattentive ADHD, predominantly hyperactive-impulsive presentation, and combined presentation) as well as personal differences. In other words? Your ADHD is as unique as your relationship with sex, and so is how the two intersect.
With all that in mind, let’s talk about ADHD and sex, baby!
1. You might be, shall we say…extra interested in sex.
When compared to the general population, research shows that people with ADHD express more of what Dr. Tuckman dubs “sexual eagerness.” In researching his book ADHD After Dark, he found ADHDers rated themselves higher than their non-ADHD counterparts on “10 out of 12 survey questions that had anything to do with sexual eagerness,” like how often they desired sex and how easily they got in the mood for it. And while there are plenty of exceptions to the rule, a 2020 review of studies related to ADHD and sexual function flagged a similar pattern.
It’s hard to pinpoint the exact factors at play, but Dr. Miller says one explanation might be our general pleasure-seeking tendencies. Because people with ADHD often have lower levels of dopamine—a neurotransmitter that plays a major role in the brain's feel-good systems—you might be drawn to behaviors that boost it, like shopping, eating junk food, playing video games, and, yep, having sex, masturbating, and watching porn.
“You might not be thinking about the levels of transmitters in your brain—you just have moments where you’re not feeling the greatest and you seek out ways to soothe yourself and feel better,” Dr. Miller explains.
2. But you may not be super satisfied with your sex life.
Now the bummer: The same literature review that flagged our sexual eagerness also found that ADHDers tend to report lower sexual satisfaction than the general population does. That might have to do with specific ADHD struggles in the bedroom (we’ll get to those in a bit), as well as a lack of understanding and communication.
“ADHD can influence sexual experiences and behaviors in ways that we might not immediately notice,” Dr. Miller says. “It takes awareness of how it impacts you to develop healthier and more satisfying sexual relationships.”
ADHD can also interfere with your ability to make your dream sex life a reality. For example, wanting sex doesn’t always mean you’re actually having it. And if you've ever experienced ADHD paralysis, you know what we're talking about. Dr. Tuckman notes how executive dysfunction—difficulty with planning, organizing, and following through on tasks—can interfere with everything from finding time to have sex with your current partner(s) to meeting people you want to have sex with in the first place.
3. You might be more adventurous than others.
People with ADHD often crave novelty, which can translate into a more adventurous sexual appetite—or, at least, more willingness to explore. “The ADHD brain loves stimulation, and this can make routine sexual scripts feel boring,” says Taylor Kravitz, LMFT, a therapist who specializes in sex therapy and works with plenty of neurodivergent clients. “I’ve seen a huge overlap with neurodivergence and alternative expressions of sexuality, including kink and activities with higher levels of stimulation.”
This trend isn’t only anecdotal, BTW. One survey found that people with ADHD reported broader sexual interests, including everything from BDSM to sex parties.
4. Distraction is a struggle.
Probably the least surprising thing on this list, right? ADHD can interfere with your ability to stay grounded in the moment, whether you get lost in your own head (what’s on my to-do list again?) or pulled away to external stimuli (omg what is this song?).
“ADHD makes it hard to filter all the various inputs, meaning it’s hard to pay attention to just one thing,” Dr. Miller says. “Instead, your brain is open to everything that’s happening.” As a result, you might struggle to enjoy yourself or reach orgasm, since our bodies often take cues from our brain when it comes to getting off.
Dr. Tuckman notes that sometimes we can get in our heads about being distracted too, like assuming our inability to pay attention is a reflection of the sex itself. And while it can be—not all sex is drown-the-world-out amazing, OK!—it’s not a reason to freak out. “Distractibility during sex is not uncommon in general, and it certainly doesn't indicate that there’s a problem with the sex or relationship itself,” he says.
5. Sensory overload is a thing.
You probably don’t need me to tell you that sex is a highly sensory experience (sights! smells! tastes! sounds! textures!)—but you might not know how overwhelming that can be for folks with ADHD, who often have sensory sensitivities.
“Sensory overload can lead to avoidance of sex or a feeling of not enjoying it,” says Kravitz. “Your nervous system basically gets overwhelmed, and you might feel panicky or anxious or even dissociated.”
What you find pleasurable vs. unpleasurable might not be the most consistent, either. “I’ve had folks talk about how one type of touch is amazing one day but intolerable the next,” Dr. Miller says. “So it’s helpful to pay attention to the various ways and times your senses might react differently to stimulation.”
6. You might be more susceptible to risky sexual behavior.
So, here’s the thing: A lot of sexual behaviors that get dubbed “risky” in scientific literature—like having multiple sexual partners, sleeping with people you barely know, or making impulsive sexual decisions—can be totally fine in context. “It depends on how you feel about it, how you approach it, and how it works out,” he says. But it’s worth noting that some studies have found higher rates of these behaviors and other sex-related risks (like sexually transmitted infections and unplanned pregnancies) in people with ADHD.
According to Dr. Tuckman, this doesn't sit squarely on the shoulders of impulsivity or hypersexuality—ADHD might pave the way for negative consequences of sex way before the sex itself. “The disorganization, forgetfulness, and procrastination associated with ADHD can set up situations where it's difficult to make responsible decisions,” he says. Think: Forgetting to pack condoms, get the STI talk out of the way, or clarify what you want sexually when you’re not thinking with your horny brain.
7. Your meds might give you an assist…or not.
Sexual side effects aren’t common with ADHD meds but it’s still worth paying attention to the indirect ways they can support or derail your sexual experiences. For example, if you take an immediate-release stimulant, you might end up zeroing in on the first thing that catches your attention, whether that’s knocking out some chores or… falling down a porn rabbit hole, says Dr. Miller.
On the flip side, some people find their medication helps them stay present during sexual encounters, while others don’t really feel a difference. “People react differently to their medication, so we can't make a general recommendation,” Dr. Tuckman says. “But if you find it helps with focus and pleasure, try to have your sexual encounters when your medication is active. If you feel like it makes it worse and you wind up hyperfocusing on the wrong things, you can do the opposite.”
The bottom line: ADHD might sometimes interfere with your sex life in frustrating ways, but it doesn’t have to be a bad thing—in fact, embracing that part of you can be key. “Understanding the way that ADHD impacts your sex life is crucial because it allows for more effective communication and connection with partners, as well as self-compassion and exploration,” Dr. Miller says.
Wondermind does not provide medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Any information published on this website or by this brand is not intended as a replacement for medical advice. Always consult a qualified health or mental health professional with any questions or concerns about your mental health.
