02.07.25
6 Not-Intimidating Ways to Start a Conversation With Anyone
You’re about to be really good at this.
As a journalist and host of the podcast Hurdle, I’m no stranger to making conversation with people I’ve never met—even those I’m very intimidated by. More than 700 episodes in, one of the biggest things I’ve learned about how to start a conversation is that the nerves dissipate once the convo gets flowing.
Outside of my job though, kicking off a conversation with new people can still feel scary sometimes.
And maybe you can relate: Since the pandemic, more of us than ever feel insecure about this everyday social skill, says clinical psychologist Nina Polyné, PsyD. If you haven’t been in the habit of connecting with other humans in real life, then of course starting a conversation can seem awkward, she explains
And even if Covid didn’t directly impact where you work or go to school, things like social anxiety, being extremely online, and losing touch with friends can make us feel socially rusty.
Still, tiny moments of connection and conversation can sharpen those skills, making you feel less weird talking to someone new (and probably less lonely too), adds Dr. Polyné.
Don’t freak out, it’s easier than you think! Here, we asked pros for tips to strike up a conversation with anyone. Whether you’re at work, the grocery store, or making a pharmacy run, these pointers will help you feel chill about chatting people up. Look at you go!
1. Check in on yourself first.
If you’re feeling stressed, anxious, or overwhelmed, it’s hard to confidently approach people and stay present as you chat, says Dr Polyné. Yeah, that’s kind of a given. But it’s also permission to take a beat to get grounded before jumping into the deep end.
If you’re not feeling your best, an anxiety-fighting mindfulness exercise can help get you there, she adds.
The 5-4-3-2-1 method is a classic. Name five things you can see, four things you can touch, three things you can hear, two things you can smell, and one thing you can taste. That will help you get out of your head and back into the present moment. If that’s too much to remember, you can also just name as many blue (or green or whatever) things you can see around you.
Box breathing is another solid option. Breathe in for four counts, hold for four counts, exhale for four counts, hold again for four counts, and then start the whole thing over. Take as much time as you need to recapture a sense of calm.
2. Read the room.
Maybe you know this, but the scariest part of starting a conversation is the potential for rejection. While you can’t completely avoid it, you can reduce your risk by using context clues, like body language, to inform your approach, says Dr. Polyné.
Generally speaking, you can usually tell if someone is open to talking—or at least being approached—by the way they carry themselves, she adds.
For instance, if someone gets into an elevator with their headphones on, grimacing at their phone, they may not be the ideal candidate for small talk. On the other hand, if they’re smiling or at least present in their environment, there’s a stronger chance they’re open to connection, says Dr. Polyné
3. Lead with an open-ended question.
In a perfect world, your opening line provides room for conversation to grow. And, most of the time, a yes or no question isn’t it, says Ryan Howes, PhD, a clinical psychologist,
For example, if you kick it off with a, “Did you try that buffalo chicken dip?” You’re likely to get a, “Yep,” or, “Nope.” Those answers don’t give you much to work with, which makes it harder to develop a real conversation.
Instead, you can try something like, “What’s the best app you’ve tried so far?” Sure, that could also get you a one-word answer. But you can easily follow, “The meatballs,” with, “Yes, so good! Have you ever tried to make those before?” Or, “Have you ever tried the meatballs from that Italian place down the street?”
Those open-ended questions give you much more information to build upon, adds Dr. Howes.
4. When in doubt, ask for an opinion or some help.
Everyone has an opinion, so asking someone for their perspective or feedback can be a super reliable way to start a conversation with someone new, says Dr. Howes. You can ask the guy at the other table if his sandwich is good, you can ask your neighbor how long they think this stretch of crappy weather will last, or you can ask your cousin’s new girlfriend what podcasts she likes. So! Easy!
One word of caution though, mentally prepare yourself for opinions that differ from yours, adds Dr. Howes. Instead of rejecting it outright and moving on, stay curious and try to learn how they came to that conclusion, he explains.
Another simple way to connect with someone is to ask for help, says Dr. Howes. This could be especially helpful if you’re starting a new job or moving to a new place. Asking your coworkers or neighbors for a quick hand or a few pointers can be a great jumping-off point. “I’ve seen many friendships built from this simple tool,” he explains.
5. Show some vulnerability.
While it’s nice to go into a conversation feeling confident or at least grounded, it’s totally fine to acknowledge that you’re low-key freaking out, says Dr. Howes. “One of the most disarming statements is, ‘I feel a little anxious in social gatherings with people I don’t know. Do you ever feel this way?’” says Dr. Howes.
By saying the quiet part out loud, you’re showing self-awareness and vulnerability, which are easy for other people to engage with, he explains. “You’ll probably be surprised how well it is received,” he adds.
6. Take rejection like a pro.
Unfortunately, not everyone is down to chat—and it’s really none of our business why that is. Maybe it’s their personality, life circumstances, a crappy day, or just a mismatch in vibes. Who knows!
Yeah, getting the cold shoulder feels bad, but the ability to shake it off and move on is an important conversation skill to master. “Remember, one attempt is just one attempt,” says Dr. Polyné. “If it doesn’t go your way, the next one may be great—so keep putting yourself out there.”
One way to do that is by setting your expectations low. Go into most conversations to get to know someone a little more or just fill time until your buds arrive at the party. If that conversation turns into something amazing, great! If not, that’s fine too.
If you’re getting the sense that someone isn’t into it, an easy way out is to say, “It was nice to meet you!” and be on your way, says Dr. Howes. “If there was some spark, you might end up talking again. If not, you’ve moved on to meet someone you connect with better,” he adds.
Wondermind does not provide medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Any information published on this website or by this brand is not intended as a replacement for medical advice. Always consult a qualified health or mental health professional with any questions or concerns about your mental health.
