01.21.25
How Do We Begin to Tackle the Grief and Trauma From These Fires?
“No one talks about the emotional task of packing your belongings and saying goodbye to what’s left.”
The air in Los Angeles is heavy, both literally and figuratively. The Palisades, Eaton Canyon, and Hurst wildfires burned thousands of acres. That includes homes, small businesses, and wildlife habitats. In an instant, thousands of people lost what took years or even generations to build. The Los Angeles wildfires also stripped away our sense of security, leaving all of us fearful of the future.
As a Los Angeles resident, I’m anxiously waiting for my cue to evacuate. Living just a few miles from what is now a stretch of ash and debris, I’ve been consumed by messages from loved ones checking in and constantly monitoring evacuation notifications. At this point, the only thing separating me from the fires is the direction of the wind.
As a therapist, I’m surprised that no one talks about the emotional task of packing your belongings and saying goodbye to what’s left (there’s no certainty that it will all be there when you return). They also don’t talk about how, even if you’re physically safe, you’re constantly checking for updates on the damage.
At the time of this writing, the fires aren’t yet contained and the psychological toll is fresh and ongoing. However, I want everyone to know that it’s not too early to start coping with the grief, trauma, and anxiety caused by the devastation.
Whether you lost your home, someone you love lost theirs, you’re waiting to hear if you need to leave your neighborhood, or you’re watching in horror from afar, we’re all feeling helpless. And it's OK if you're not ready or able to process your emotions around all of this right now. But, if and when you, here are a few strategies I recommend.
Prioritize your physical needs.
If you’re directly impacted by the fires, there are an endless number of things competing for your attention. Texts from loved ones, spreadsheets of resources, insurance claims, and other logistical tasks that come with navigating the aftermath.
In the midst of it all, it’s easy to forget to take care of yourself, especially your physical needs. But putting those at the top of your list is actually one of the most helpful ways to recover emotionally and materially. You need energy to take on everything coming your way.
So check in with yourself. Have you eaten? Are you hydrated? Can you take a nap if you need one? Tackle those first.
Mindfully distract yourself.
Witnessing destruction in your neighborhood and hearing stories of loss can trigger symptoms of stress and anxiety, like nightmares, flashbacks, or persistent fear.
If you’re experiencing this, know that this response is likely your mind and body processing trauma—and you don’t have to wait until the symptoms worsen to seek relief from the emotional toll.
One helpful tool is called mindful distraction. This can help you cultivate calm by distracting yourself for a bit. JFYI, distraction isn’t the same thing as avoidance. It’s a self-soothing technique and signals a sense of calm to your body.
You can start by inhaling for four counts and exhaling for six to eight counts until you feel a little more grounded. Another option is called safe havening. Gently stroke your arms or face while visualizing a soothing image. It could be anything! No matter which route you go (maybe you use both), it can help relieve those overwhelming feelings.
Connect with people who get it.
Going through a traumatic event like this can make you feel incredibly lonely. That’s why seeking out others who directly relate to what you’re experiencing can be incredibly helpful. Of course, you might not be ready to talk about what’s happened yet. It’s OK to take your time and respect your readiness.
But, when you’re ready, sharing aspects of your experience can help reduce the weight of the pain, lowering the volume of your big feelings. It also helps you understand what you’ve been through as you create a narrative around it. As you get more grounded, you’ll be in a better place to plan next steps.
At the same time, when speaking to those who’ve lost their homes, evacuated, or have family members who are affected, you’ll feel more understood and supported. Their experiences help validate your experiences.
If you’re not sure who to turn to, try reaching out to your neighbors, finding support groups, or visiting local relief organizations.
Give yourself permission to feel your feelings.
Lots of people who weren’t directly affected feel like they aren’t allowed to be anxious, sad, or grieve the devastation of this event. Others, especially those who were impacted, often lean into toxic positivity.
No matter what your situation, we all need space to feel the full range of emotions cycling through our bodies right now. If we don’t allow them to come up, we can experience psychological distress.
Having a hard time right now? Take some time to check in with your emotions at the beginning of each day. When things feel too heavy, give yourself permission to sit with the anxiety, grief, sadness, anger, frustration, or whatever's going on.
Write a letter to what you lost.
Being directly impacted by the fires brings loss on many levels: loss of loved ones, possessions, places tied to special memories, and what could have been. Healing begins when we allow our grief to take up space. Start by asking yourself this question, If my grief could talk, what would it say? This can be a powerful way to honor and process your grief and learn more about what matters to us.
Get clear on what you're grieving. Is it a loved one? A place? A pet? Your photo albums? The furniture handed down by your grandparents? Write a letter to the person, place, or possession, and share your memories and feelings about them. Talk about what they meant to you.
Even as you begin to rebuild your life, you may notice a longing for what was. When that happens, acknowledge this as a very normal part of the healing process.
Find comfort in a routine.
Cultivating a routine is an underrated tool for navigating trauma. That’s because doing the same things on a regular basis provides a sense of stability—especially when life is unpredictable. Engaging in consistent and calming activities can combat the fight-or-flight response activated by a traumatic event.
If you were directly impacted, I want you to honor and respect your capacity with this one. If your bandwidth is limited, start small. Identify something reasonable you can do on a daily basis. This might be waking up at the same time, setting aside 10 minutes to write, or making your to-do list at the start of each day. Any consistent and calming activity can help.
For those who weren’t directly impacted, it might feel odd to go back to your regularly scheduled agenda when other peoples’ lives are so disrupted. But remember this: We can only be of service to others after we tend to ourselves.
Get creative.
Holding on to your sense of self and the stuff that brings you joy can feel daunting right now, but it’s a powerful tool for coping. That’s because creativity offers an outlet for expressing and processing your emotions. Whether it’s an art project, dancing, creative writing, or just doodling on a napkin, creativity can externalize our internal state, which can reduce stress. Los Angelenos know the power of collective creativity!
Help others.
If you’ve been directly impacted by the wildfires, volunteering can give you a sense of control, purpose, and connection during an overwhelming time. However, it's important to check in with yourself and volunteer when you’re emotionally and physically ready. If you notice that volunteering is leading to burnout or feels triggering, then honor your personal limitations and focus on self-care.
In my experience, being part of a collective recovery effort with like-minded people creates opportunities to share your experience within a supportive environment.
If you’re on the outside looking in on this tragic event, you might feel anxious, depressed, or sad (all of which are rightful to experience). To interrupt those states, without bypassing your emotions, taking action can be super helpful for those who have the bandwidth.
For example, when I volunteered at the Santa Anita Racetrack, I met another volunteer, a Palisades resident, whose experience was similar to mine. While her place remained safe, she felt the pain for her neighbors who couldn’t say the same. The opportunity to speak with her was an outlet that I didn’t know I needed. You might need something like that too.
Advocate for change.
What kind of clinical social worker would I be if I didn’t talk about healing from a macro perspective? I believe that it is our social responsibility to care for one another. We heal in community. That’s why coping with the anxiety, grief, and trauma of these fires can also include advocating for changes that prevent future generations from suffering the same experiences.
There are many approaches for addressing the structural and systemic issues contributing to these disasters: Advocating for equitable rebuilding efforts, collaborating with local organizations to build community care, and pushing for policies that address climate change.
Wondermind does not provide medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Any information published on this website or by this brand is not intended as a replacement for medical advice. Always consult a qualified health or mental health professional with any questions or concerns about your mental health.
