07.18.24
15 Good Dinner Party Questions That Will Make You Seem Effortlessly Cool
Social anxiety? We’ve never heard of her.
Confession: I hate the classic dinner party question. You know the one: Living or dead, who’s invited to your fantasy sit-down soirée? I immediately start overthinking it, from group composition (sure, I’d want to talk to that person one-on-one, but who would vibe well together?) to priority (how do you narrow down a guest list from across time and space?!).
If you’re thinking, Wow, you must be fun at dinner parties, well—I actually am! Friends have told me I have a knack for collecting good questions to ask when you want to get people yapping (though I’ll whip them out in whatever group setting needs a little conversational grease, meal or no meal). And while what makes for a “good” dinner party Q or even first-date question is pretty subjective (I’m sure some of you love the aforementioned thought-starter), there are a few helpful goals to keep in mind.
“You want open-ended questions that make people feel comfortable and excited to share, but not judged or put on the spot,” says clinical psychologist and author of Detox Your Thoughts Andrea Bonior, PhD. And if it’s right for the vibe, Dr. Bonior says it doesn’t hurt to give people opportunities to be a bit—but not overly—vulnerable. Think, questions that help you get to know someone on a deeper level without prompting them to open up like they’re in therapy. (Shoutout to that one dinner party I attended where we were asked about the worst day of our lives. You can probably imagine how that went.)
To help you arm yourself with plenty of prompts, we asked a bunch of people (including some therapists who are basically professional question askers) for their go-tos—and I even tossed in a few of my all-time faves for good measure. Whether you’re someone who has a little (or a lot) of social anxiety or you simply need more conversation starters for fun and thought-provoking discussions, tuck these questions away for your next group gathering.
1. “What advice would you give to your 10-year-old self?”
“I like this question because it can be global and insightful yet those answering can have agency over if they want to keep it light or make it deep.” —Hope Kelaher, LCSW, therapist and author of Here to Make Friends
2. “If you woke up in someone else’s body, how would you convince your loved ones you are who you say you are?”
People don’t typically have an immediate answer for this hypothetical, so it’s entertaining as hell to watch them puzzle through it. Sometimes it’s a lovely opportunity for them to think about what makes them unique besides their physical appearance…but, more often than not, they have to come up with creative ways they’d prove their identity, like sharing secrets only they would know or planning code words in advance. You know, in case it ever actually happens.
3. “If you could magically become really good at anything, what would you choose?”
“Some people will say a hobby or practice like art or music, but others choose practical skills for everyday life. Like, ‘I wish I was better at handy work so I could do my own renovations around the house.’ With other people, it’s more about what they perceive as natural talents or traits they admire, like wanting to be more charismatic or better public speakers. You just get all kinds of interesting answers across the board and you usually learn something new about people too.” —Dr. Bonior
4. “What ‘evil job’ do you think you would excel at?”
Let me tell you, people love considering the less-than-upstanding versions of themselves, and I love hearing what others consider an “evil job.” Win-win. You get answers ranging from ‘criminal mastermind’ to ‘publicist for billionaires’—and if you’re lucky, you learn a lot about your friends’ hidden talents and existential crises along the way.
5. “When was the last time you laughed really, really hard?”
“This allows the possibility for people to share a joke or a nice experience.” —Kelaher
6. “Which is scarier, the ocean or space?”
“It gets people debating—often passionately!—without having to touch on any big hot-button issues that might get tense or controversial.” —Frances Won
7. “What’s your earliest social media memory?”
Alright, I used to use, “What was your first AIM screen name?” But as I’ve gotten older and my friendships more intergenerational, I’ve accepted that AOL Instant Messenger is no longer a cultural milestone that all of my friends share. But tweaking it to be more open-ended has resulted in a lot of lively conversation, whether it’s amusing my younger friends with stories of the Good Ol’ Days of fandom on LiveJournal or hearing that my Now Chronically Online friend wasn’t allowed on social media until college. Oh, and someone’s always got a formative memory about their Myspace Top 8, aka the most savage friend-ranking system of all time.
8. "What's the worst 'good advice' you've ever received?"
“There is always a good story here. Sometimes a specific incident, otherwise a broader insight into who someone is and what they are pushing back against. The ‘good advice’ typically involves conventional wisdom or ideas passed down to them that they have had to reckon with. Always makes people think and connect deeply.” —Harper Yi
9. “If your pet could speak, what would they tell us about you?”
“I love this because there is some degree of levity and when I ask this question there are often a lot of laughs. It also helps to elicit vulnerability, and being vulnerable is a key component in making friends.” —Kelaher
No pets? If your walls could talk… can be an equally telling brainteaser.
10. “What would you call this chapter of your life?”
“This is one of my favorite questions from a We’re Not Really Strangers card deck because it lets people get a little introspective and creative. And, if you’re among just close friends, it can be an easy way to get the headline of what’s going on in everyone’s lives and what they might want to discuss most.” —Casey Gueren
11. “Where did you do your grocery shopping growing up?”
“This one surprised me when it took off as an icebreaker, but people have a lot to say on the topic and it’s particularly useful when people have come from all over. You get to hear about the weird idiosyncrasies that make people love or hate a certain grocery store, as well as get insight into where they’re from. It turns into, ‘Oh my god, Piggly Wiggly!’ or ‘You had a local mom and pop store?’ or ‘I’m totally a Safeway person but I hate Harris Teeter.’” —Dr. Bonior
12. “What’s your go-to karaoke song?”
“I love asking this because a certain song choice can reveal a little something about someone’s personality and taste in music. It can even bring up some very interesting stories.” —Jordan Fink
13. “If you were a supervillain, who would you be and who would be your nemesis?”
“I like this question because while it can be light and easy and fun, it can also be very reflective and you can learn more about people's sense of themselves, how they operate in the world, and their sense of justice.” —Kelaher
14. “If you had to give a TED Talk right now with zero prep, what would your topic be?”
“Another way to phrase this is: What do you consider yourself an amateur expert in? Because I don’t want to hear that my cardiologist friend can give an impromptu presentation on heart surgery. I want to hear what TV fandom she can talk about for hours or what niche gossip she could create a slideshow on at a moment’s notice. It’s a fun way to see what people are really passionate about, even if they’ve never mentioned it before.” —Casey Gueren
15. “What petty rule would you love to make a law?”
“It’s my favorite way to ask people about their pet peeves because everyone always has something silly and small they feel aggressively strongly about. Like me, I want a fast lane on the sidewalk so I don’t get stuck behind slow walkers.” —Barbara Ko
Wondermind does not provide medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Any information published on this website or by this brand is not intended as a replacement for medical advice. Always consult a qualified health or mental health professional with any questions or concerns about your mental health.
