First, a myth worth busting: Learning how to be happy does not mean never feeling shitty ever again. That’s just not realistic. “Life is not frictionless. You're going to experience loss; you're going to be frightened or anxious or angry,” says happiness researcher Emiliana R. Simon-Thomas, PhD, science director of UC Berkeley’s Greater Good Science Center. To imagine that even a happy life won’t have unpleasant moments is a major misnomer, she notes.
Another big misconception about how to be happier is that it involves a higher salary or getting a fancier job, says psychologist Laurie Santos, PhD. Obviously, money makes a difference in your life—especially when you do not have it. But you don’t need a raise to start feeling a bit happier about whatever’s going on for you right now. What matters most is changing your everyday behaviors and mindset, says Dr. Santos, who hosts The Happiness Lab podcast and teaches Yale’s uber popular course: Psychology and the Good Life.
Also, happiness isn’t usually a thing that you just stumble upon (though anyone who’s found a $20 bill on the street knows it can happen like that). Most of the time, you’ll become happier by working on it consistently. Dr. Santos says she likes to explain it with a leaky tire analogy her friend and fellow psychologist Nick Epley, PhD, came up with. You have to keep doing things to pump your joy back up over time. “It's not like you do them once, and then you're done and happy forever,” Dr. Santos explains.
Of course, if you’ve been feeling super down for a while, these little happy hacks likely won’t address what’s really going on. In that case, think about whether reaching out to a mental health pro for some support could help you ID the root of your hard feelings and help you sort through it, says Dr. Santos.
But if you’re just looking for some ways to pump up your own joy, try these expert-backed tips.
1. Make someone else’s day.
It’s been well-documented in happiness research that acts of kindness can make people doing those nice things happier because we’re wired that way. One of the reasons altruism makes us happy is because humans evolved to feel good when they made others feel good. “What we know at the neuroscience level is that kindness, generosity, or actions that serve others activate the reward pathways,” explains Dr. Simon-Thomas. That’s the same system in your brain that makes you feel good when you see something hilarious on TikTok or eat something really delicious. That system’s activated when your brain associates a situation, experience, or object with a positive outcome. “So it is actually innately pleasing just to do something that has a benefit, that brings joy to others,” she adds.
Another reason why being a good person to others makes us happier: It enables us to feel like we matter, explains Dr. Simon-Thomas. What makes you feel like your actions are important and valuable is knowing they actually help someone, she says. When you contribute to humanity in some way that you can actually name or identify, even something tiny like holding a door, it reminds you of your innate capacity to make a positive difference in the lives of others, says Dr. Simon-Thomas.
2. Get your friend a little treat when you can.
Despite how great an Amazon haul might make you feel, some research suggests that when people spend money on others (what psychologists call “prosocial spending”), they tend to feel happier than when they spend the same money on themselves, says Dr. Santos. She pointed to a review of research where, in one small experiment, people who spent money on others (donations, toys for siblings, or food for friends) reported happier moods throughout the day than those told to spend the cash on themselves.
Dropping money for others probably feels good because we’re making people happy, says Dr. Simon-Thomas. As she explains, when we see that somebody else is uplifted or pleasantly surprised because of something we did, it ~sparks joy~ for those biological reasons described above.
The researchers also found that participants who spent money on someone else in an in-person social interaction got even more out of their dollars. For example, “participants who received a $10 Starbucks gift card were happier if they spent it on a friend rather than on themselves—but only if they took the time to go to Starbucks with their friend,” the study authors write. Makes sense—connecting with people we like also makes us feel good.
Whatever and however you choose to spend your money on others, it definitely doesn’t have to be a whole lot (because…you know…life’s expensive). The participants in the experiments above spent as little as $5 or as much as $20. So there’s that!
3. Make small talk with a stranger.
When you’re out in public, you might feel like an antisocial goblin who doesn’t want to talk to anyone (and…same). But speaking with strangers instead of keeping to yourself can sometimes boost your mood because it’s a type of human connection, says Dr. Simon-Thomas.
Human connection makes us happy because it enables us to rely on each other to survive and accomplish shared goals, says Dr. Simon-Thomas. “As a cooperative, social species, support from the people around us was critical to our success back in the evolutionary day,” agrees Dr. Santos.
It’s not a great experience to feel excluded or lonely, Dr. Simon-Thomas adds. So even just connecting with a stranger creates a sense of trust and belonging, she says.
It doesn’t have to be a super deep convo! Keep it simple and ask the person bagging your groceries how their day’s going, Dr. Simon-Thomas suggests. People in Dr. Epley’s experiments, who were told to purposely try connecting with strangers on public transportation, started convos by saying things like “bless you” after someone sneezed or bringing up the news (did you see that eclipse?!). Turns out, they reported more positive experiences than those who kept to themselves. Basically, don’t discount the joy-pumping potential of connecting with other humans—even in a small way.
4. Consider all the things that don’t suck.
Yes, a lot of shitty shit happens in this life—and, again, you can’t expect to not have any setbacks. However! Purposely taking time to appreciate something seemingly small (like your morning coffee) and something a bit bigger (like a friend helping you through a life change) can be a really powerful way to trigger happiness, says Dr. Santos.
Gratitude can help you view life more optimistically, says psychologist and researcher Robert Emmons, PhD, author of The Little Book of Gratitude. Our brains are really good at accentuating the bad, thanks to something called negativity bias, he explains. So, reminding ourselves of stuff we’re grateful for shifts our minds away from the negative and toward things that make our life good in the present, he says, which can also keep us feeling hopeful about more good in the future.
Just to be clear, gratitude doesn’t mean turning something bad into something good, Dr. Simon-Thomas notes. However, it can take you out of worry spirals you might be stuck in, she says. In other words, it’s not about ignoring any difficult thing you go through, but it may make going through those things suck a little less because you can acknowledge “you’re making your way out of the dark,” Dr. Emmons agrees.
You can practice gratitude whenever you catch yourself in these negative spirals, suggests psychologist Emma Seppälä, PhD, author of Sovereign. Like, sure, you’re having a horrible day at work, and it’s 100% valid to feel stressed. But, you can take a pause when you’re on your downward doom ride and think about one good thing that your job has given you (your coworkers, financial stability, whatever it is), Dr. Seppälä notes.
Another gratitude practice is literally just writing out things you’re thankful for in the a.m. or p.m., says Dr. Simon-Thomas. You can also write thank you letters to people in your life, she adds. Send them to people as voice memos, emails, or cards in the mail; tell them face-to-face; or keep it to yourself. It’s whatever you’re comfortable with, she says.
As a bonus, when we remind ourselves (and other people) that we’re grateful for the relationships we have in our lives, this drives human connection, says Dr. Emmons. This is fantastic news!
5. Pump up the JOMO.
We’ve established that connecting with others is great for your mental health, but saying no to social plans or non-essential meetings can make you happier too. This might seem sort of counterintuitive (see: guilt). But, with a little mental reframe, you can get excited about being alone or having free time, thus boosting your happiness.
To hack your brain into enjoying your own company, focus on the joy of missing out (JOMO) by relishing in the free time you have, suggests Dr. Simon-Thomas. Another neat tip: Once you’ve officially RSVP’d no, write reminders in your calendar of when the canceled plan or meeting or whatever it was would have been. This makes it easier to appreciate that you don’t have to do that thing anymore, notes Dr. Santos. You’re being like, “Fuck, yeah! I didn’t do this, and that’s actually a potential good thing.” It’s what’s adorably called the “no-yay effect” from University of Toronto professor Dilip Soman.
6. Soak in some awe.
Being in awe feels good since it can trigger gratitude, says Dr. Simon-Thomas (it’s all connected!). Imagine seeing something that makes you go, “Oh, wow”—sorta like glimmers on steroids. Maybe it’s a double rainbow outside your window. You might get all tingly and feel lucky to be witnessing such a cool thing, she notes. You might stop where you are and take a picture of it because you’re so blown away.
Awe can also foster a greater sense of connection with others (which, again, makes us happy!!!), adds Dr. Simon-Thomas. You may want to share this double-rainbow moment with a neighbor who came out to see it. Maybe you chat with them about how they’re doing and offer them some banana bread you baked, says Dr. Simon-Thomas. That’s totally possible because people tend to feel more generous when they’re in this OMG-this-universe-is-incredible state, she says. Awe can really bring people together!
To promote this feeling in your everyday life, go on a hike, literally just look at a video of nature, or jam out to live music, says Dr. Simon-Thomas. Basically, seek out awe-inducing experiences. As a bonus, other people might also be there to witness these awesome things with you. And, even if they aren’t, you’ll probably still feel super lucky to see what your eyeballs are seeing or hear what your ears are hearing. Yay for you!
Wondermind does not provide medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Any information published on this website or by this brand is not intended as a replacement for medical advice. Always consult a qualified health or mental health professional with any questions or concerns about your mental health.
