09.07.23
6 Healthy Ways to Cope With Suicidal Ideation, From People Who Get It
“So many times it can feel like you're the only one going through this…”
If you or someone you know is in crisis, please contact the 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline.
Praise be: We’re finally in an era where mental health conversations are becoming more common. But there are still way too many topics that are clouded in stigma and not talked about enough. Suicidal ideation is one of them. (For anyone who’s not up on therapist lingo, that encompasses a range of thoughts and behaviors relating to wanting to die.) A 2023 meta-analysis found that less than half of people who experienced suicidal ideation disclosed these thoughts to someone else. This means there are so many people out there wondering how to stop suicidal thoughts who don’t know where to turn for help.
Unfortunately, conversations around suicide tend to happen only after someone has passed away, so there’s less talk about learning how to manage and survive suicidal ideation, notes therapist and suicidologist Stacey Freedenthal, PhD, LCSW, author of Loving Someone with Suicidal Thoughts: What Family, Friends, and Partners Can Say and Do.
As someone who struggles with passive suicidal ideation, I know firsthand what it is like to be struck by thoughts about not wanting to be alive. BTW: passive suicidal ideation refers to having these thoughts occasionally but not having a plan or motivation to act on them—as opposed to active suicidal ideation. But that doesn’t mean these thoughts are any less serious or worthy of help. Living with this can be scary and isolating. And yet, whenever I try to talk about it, more often than not, people step back in worry and fear.
While there might not be a one-size-fits-all fix for suicidal thoughts, there are a variety of tools and skills that can make living with this a bit easier. Many of them come down to reaching out for help and opening up about your experiences so that you can feel less alone, a mood that is super common among people with suicidal ideation, says therapist and suicide expert Camila Pulgar, PhD, LMCHC. If you struggle with suicidal thoughts and could use a little guidance and perspective, here’s how six people who have been there have pushed through.
1. I thought about my family.
“I experienced two major depressive episodes, and with both of them, I had passive suicidal ideation. The thoughts were constant, and I couldn't stop them. I was living one day at a time, with some days feeling better than others and just hoping that it would get better. Finally, with the help of my therapist, my psychiatrist, and my family, these suicidal thoughts eventually got better.
Since then, I made a promise to never try to hurt myself and that I would tell my husband if I was feeling extremely down so he could take me to the hospital. When I was at my lowest and darkest, what kept me going was knowing I have my husband, kids, and mom, who are so supportive and understanding. I don’t ever want to leave them, and that is what keeps me going.” —Sarah*, 31
2. I called a hotline.
“I have struggled with suicidal ideation my whole life. The only time it ever got really bad, when I felt like I couldn’t push the thoughts away, was after a bad breakup. I was so down and was scared of what I would do. I didn’t actually want to kill myself, but I truly didn’t know what else to do to pull me out of those scary thoughts.
Because I didn’t have many close friends at the time, I called the Suicide & Crisis Lifeline that everyone talks about. A kind man picked up the phone and asked me questions about my life. It was vulnerable and scary, and I was worried I was going to be shamed and judged. Instead, he just talked to me like a friend. He promised to stay on the line until I felt better, and he did. It was the first time I ever sought out help, and I thank God every day that I did.” —Izzy C., 27
3. I imagined my younger self.
“I have two kids under 3, and the last pregnancy was especially hard on me. I was living in so much fear and was having panic attacks constantly. After an especially bad night when my baby was only 10 days old, I began to have suicidal thoughts and was brought to the hospital. It was then that I realized I couldn’t keep letting my depression and anxiety rule my life. Growing up, I saw my mom become a shell of herself due to mental illness, and I decided I cannot and will not allow that to become the norm for my girls. What really helped me get through that difficult time was thinking of my inner child and how she deserves the chance to keep living and be the mother she didn’t get to have and to experience beautiful things.
It’s been almost a year since that hospital stay, and I’m still trying to show that little girl that she is safe and she has the ability to make choices and leave situations that feel unsafe or sad. I have pulled myself out of some dark situations by remembering how much more I have to live for. As a mom, I’m doing all of that for myself and my girls too.” —Leila W., 27
4. I found people who understood.
“I was struggling with my mental health for a long time. I had panic attacks every day for a year, sometimes two or three times a day. At that point, it was really starting to get to me. It was exhausting mentally, physically, and emotionally. Eventually, I started to think, Why is this happening to me? Am I a bad person? Is God punishing me? What did I do wrong? There were some days when I thought about how if I wasn’t on earth anymore, I probably wouldn’t be in pain or suffering. There were a lot of times when I felt like I wasn’t in control of my life, rather I was living for someone or something else, like my anxiety or OCD.
When the suicidal ideation got especially bad, one thing that helped me was writing down how my family might feel if I actually followed through on it. I imagined the life they would be living, how sad and upset my sister would be, or even my parents arguing because of the grief. I saw the loss of color from their life and it made me realize I would never wish that on anybody.
Besides that, what really helped me was group therapy. I was hesitant to do it because the idea of telling strangers my deepest fears and secrets was SCARY. But after the first session, it felt so refreshing to hear how others go through similar situations as you. So many times it can feel like you're the only one going through this, and hearing other people's stories and making friends who know what you're going through feels amazing. It saved my life and continues to save my life every day.” —Jason*, 25
5. I did at least one thing to show myself love.
“My struggle with depression started in college and, at the time, I didn’t have the healthiest coping skills. When things would get bad and thoughts of suicide entered my mind, I would use alcohol and drugs to push the thoughts away, to try to mask the shame and brokenness that I was feeling in those moments.
But as I got older and started therapy, my therapist taught me to be gentle with myself and to sit and observe my thoughts without judgment before redirecting my attention to self-care. This was especially hard for me in the beginning of my mental health journey, but with practice, it became easier.
Through therapy, I learned to focus on doing things that bring me joy and fulfillment when I’m experiencing suicidal thoughts, even if that thing is doing nothing. Some days I will journal, play music, or just do random tasks throughout the house. On other days, I give myself permission to just lay on the couch and watch funny videos. When I started to spiral during my most recent struggle, I immediately took a shower and did some grooming. I don’t pressure myself to do anything except just be, and so far it has kept me going, even when I didn’t think I could.” —Richard M., 30
6. I learned to manage intrusive thoughts.
“While I’ve experienced some form of suicidal ideation for decades, it wasn’t until my mid-20s that the intrusive voice in my head became more vocal and active. After a particularly challenging bout of suicidal thoughts—thoughts I unfortunately tried to act on (without success, thank goodness)—I found myself in a psych ward. In there, I was forced, blessedly, to learn new coping skills, including dialectical behavioral therapy (DBT).
There are so many things that have helped me, like having a brilliant support system that allows me to share these thoughts openly and honestly. I’ve also found a lot of DBT exercises to be incredibly useful when faced with intrusive thoughts and moments of crisis. From physically taking a step back to placing my face in a bowl of cold water, interrupting that train of thought with a physical action can be so, so helpful and important.” —Genevive W., 30
*Name has been changed.
Quotes have been edited and condensed for length and clarity.
Wondermind does not provide medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Any information published on this website or by this brand is not intended as a replacement for medical advice. Always consult a qualified health or mental health professional with any questions or concerns about your mental health.
